I usually go with the flow fairly easily. After all…change is my middle name. However, on occasion…under the right set of circumstances, a quick change of plans can throw me for a loop and that occasion came yesterday.

We are preparing for the roofing to begin tomorrow. There are several things that have to be put into place before that can happen. We have the shingles and the plywood. The flashing and the ridge vents. We still need the underlayment and we need to rent the shingles elevator so no one has to carry the shingles up the ladder to the roof. What we needed yesterday was a nail gun and the roofing nails for it. 

We were going to rent one, but my incredible personal contractor…aka Mr. FixIt…found one at Harbor Freight on sale. We’ll need it for this job, plus next year when we roof the other end of the house. It makes a lot more sense to buy one than to rent one for multiple days. We set out for town. I don’t always go on these trips, but I thought this one might be fun…and, maybe I could keep it short by going with him. Big’s Swim Meet was online at 2:00 and it was only noon. Plenty of time to get to town and back.

Now, have you ever seen us have a “quick trip to town”? No? Me, either. We drove in and the route we took had a detour. We were in the Lincoln. I was driving down a side street, took my foot off the gas to slow down for a stoplight, and the car stalled. At first I was puzzled and couldn’t figure out what happened. Then I looked at the control panel and it was lit up like a Christmas tree. I turned the key off, then back on, and it started right up.

We got to Harbor Freight and Mr. FixIt went in. After some time, he came back to the car and said they didn’t have any nail guns, nor did they have roofing nails. I thought the alternative would be to go to one of the other big box hardware stores and just buy one there, but that is not the way this is done. The sale nail gun was $89. The cheapest at the big box stores was $269. Big difference. The old me would have just sucked it up and bought the other one, but that’s not how it works anymore. We are committed to good stewardship.

So, my sweetheart looked it up on line and the closest Harbor Freight to us was 52 miles away. As matter of factly as he could muster, Mr. FixIt said, “Well, we’ll just have to go there and get one.”

Now, ordinarily this wouldn’t be a big deal for me. But my brain started racing ahead of me and all I could think about was… “The car stalled unexpectedly.” “What if it stalls when we’re out on the highway?” “I don’t want to get stuck someplace and have to wait…and wait…and wait for the rescue service to come help us.” On top of that, it was 85 degrees. I immediately went into fight or flight response. With my palms sweating and my heart pounding and stomach churning, I turned to my sweetheart and said, “Well, I will just take you home and you can go back out and get it yourself.”

Thinking in my addled brain that this was just a fine solution.

It was not. 

First of all…it was a half hour in the wrong direction then a half hour back and we were already in town.

I was insistent. Tempers flared a bit.

I knew I was being unreasonable. But full blown panic attacks throw reason right out the window. I decided to break it down into steps I COULD do.

We stopped at the nearby Walmart and Mr. FixIt got a little bottle of gas treatment to put in the tank. He went inside to get it and I stayed in the car. A cooling off period is helpful when tempers are hot. By the time he came back, I was prepared for the next little step.

We stopped for gas and he put the treatment in the tank along with a full tank of Hi-Test gas…lessening the chances of the engine stalling. I felt the engine roar when I started it up. It sounded normal which gave me confidence. Ok…I can work through this a little more.

I reminded him he doesn’t really understand a panic attack because he’s never had one. He reminded me he is doing the best he can to get the roofing completed as frugally as possible. Just that little exchange settled things because it gave us compassion to see the other’s attempts. Compassion brings with it a sense of teamwork and off we went.

I took something to settle my stomach and he drove the rest of the way. As soon as I started reminding myself I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me, an instant wave of calm came over me. It wasn’t too long we passed a huge sign on a hill by the highway that said, 

“Jesus Love You!”

I sat back in my seat and smiled.

That He does…that He does.

We got the nail gun and the nails and the rest of the night turned into “Date Night”. We went to a Noodles & Company for supper. It was so delightfully warm, we sat out on the patio and watched a rainbow. We had lovely conversation and held hands on the way home. 

I thank God every day that He brought this amazing, understanding, gentle and kind man into my life. I know firsthand it is not easy to live with someone who has an anxiety disorder. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to it and the trigger can be the most inane thing. Yet…he’s there. He’s always there for me…as I am for him. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m sure glad he’s here because he’s the BEST!

?

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV