MY Santa…my very special friend, Greg (Photo Credit: Leslie Coppedge Fore)
This is the tenth Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. So much has happened since that first Christmas without him. I’ve sold my house and gotten rid of 95% of my personal belongings. I’ve lived a nomadic lifestyle in my camper. I’ve moved across the country. I settled on the family farm…the home of my heart. I’ve become closer to Jesus. And…I found love again in the form of a kind and gentle man who makes room in his life for me and all my baggage.
I can still remember how that first Christmas felt without him. I remember the desolation. The kicked in the gut feeling I had every time I remembered he was really gone. I remember every single thing about the day I sat by Santa and cried. I remember how he placed his hand gently on my shoulder and whispered comforting words to me. He and I are still friends and always will be.
Every year, I am asked to repost that story at Christmas. I knew instinctively when I started this journey there would be others coming up behind me. I knew part of my healing would come in offering my hand and heart to those who feel the wretched pain of loss every day, but most acutely at the holidays. I knew I would never be the same…forever affected by a circumstance I never dreamed would be so painful. So, if I am feeling that pain…others are bound to be as well.
Mr. Virgo’s last Christmas…2012. It was his first Christmas Day off in 40 years!
What more can we offer to our fellow grievers than to sit quietly beside them and acknowledge their pain? I’ve written millions of words since that first Christmas, yet I’m still left at a loss as to what to say to another that would be the most helpful…the most kind…the most compassionate. So I say…
“My heart is with you, dear one.”
Always.
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“Blessed are the humble, for they will inherit the earth.”
Matthew 5:5 CSB
I am spending my first Christmas without my “Mr. Fixit” in 33 years. It has been a rough time since October 25th. Actually since last December when he had pneumonia and was hospitalized for a week he was never really the same. I have a good friend who lost her husband August 29th after caring for him at home bed ridden for 14 months! Another friend lost hers in March and another 7 years ago….They are all grieving. I am aware of the no time limit and I cry when it comes over me as there is no stopping it anyway. I moped all of November taking care of things I had to take care of but we loved Christmas both of us so I have decorated as he would want me to do and I have my SIL and nephew her till 12-27 so I believe the holiday will be easier having them here. I hope. I am making myself go and do things. You are right no one knows what to say….it can be awkward but I tell them I am getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other and making it through the day. I also have the Stephen’s Ministry little books on grief that are so good and I give them to all I know who lose a cherished loved one. Thank you for your writings that inspire us to keep going that life has much to offer when we make it to the other side of the intense, fresh grief we feel after losing a beloved husband.
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It’s my 10th Christmas of widowhood also. I wish things were better, but they’re not. Things just seem to get worse every year since. I’m ready for a new love, but at 71 years old, I doubt that will happen.
I will pray that is it is God’s Will, He will send you a partner to share your life with, dear one. ?
Beautifully said Ginny. Change of all kinds can cause grief. I love your words and will use them for others. XO
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