A long time ago, my second husband and I lived with an elephant. It was called “The Things Which Shall Never Be Discussed”. And…we never discussed it. We put a doily on it and called it a table. Eventually, as little elephants are wont to do, it grew and grew till it filled up the room and there was no choice…one of us was going to have to be brave. So, I asked the difficult questions. Which in turn gave me the difficult answers. But, I’d rather have the difficult answers than live with an elephant.
Grief is an elephant in my house. I haven’t exactly been putting a doily on it, but I also haven’t been addressing it directly for quite a while. And this weekend, the elephant in the room turned right around and bit me. Memorial Day forces me to look for Mr. Virgo. Other things do, too…so maybe it was just coincidental that the elephant woke up this weekend. Who knows? The point is, grief can lie dormant for awhile only to raise its ugly head at the most inopportune moment.
I was driving out the road toward the river. I had experienced a little disappointment earlier. The sun was setting and the light turned that soft golden-green of late Spring, the pink tinged clouds reflecting off the river. And then…Annie’s Song came on the radio. Mr. Virgo hired a guitarist regularly to play for happy hour at the Ritz. Some time after Mr. Virgo’s death, the Ritz planted a tree in his memory and held a lovely dedication ceremony to which they invited me. The guitarist was there and told how that was the song my husband always requested. The beauty of the day and the melancholic tune broke my heart open…yet again. Then fresh tears came last night when my dear friend Jeanne sent me a picture of the flowers she placed on Mr. Virgo’s grave for me for Memorial Day.
Sometimes a good cry is all that’s needed to clear your vision. It releases hormones that comfort you. I try not to suppress a good cry. And, I’ll try not to avoid the elephant so much in the future. Elephants are easier to deal with when they’re little.
❤️
“Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll — are they not in your record?”
Psalm 56:8 NIV