I took this photo a couple of years ago on the first leg of my Grand Adventure. I went on a long drive yesterday afternoon up by the ski area and the lupine looked just the same as this. I love them! They are airy and misty lavender-blue. I cannot believe how green it is in the high country right now. I was told Colorado has had ten inches of rain this spring. If it continues, it will look much like back east. But if it dries out, as it is likely to do soon, we could be in for a heck of a fire season due to the incredible amount of underbrush that has developed. We went from cool and rainy last week to 93 degrees and bone dry the last three days. It will dry out fast if that keeps up. In the meantime it was a beautiful weekend!

I had a deep awakening yesterday. I love it when someone who knows me well points out the obvious flaws in my logic that I simply do not see. Such was the case with yesterday’s post. A friend of mine who is wont to shake me by the scruff of the neck, did just that. I have, on more than one occasion, spoken of my “failure as a doctor’s wife”…as if it were some kind of job I had applied for and had the skills but just didn’t complete it successfully.

I have always looked at that as a role I played instead of just being married to someone who happened to be a doctor. His job. Not mine. Being a doctor’s wife was never my “job” so how could I fail at it? As my friend points out so eloquently, I was “never responsible for his approval or his happiness” so how could I be a failure? Wow…..just, wow.

I am quick to tell others, including my children, that we are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but our own. Yet, here I am…fifteen years after the fact…considering myself a failure at something I had no control over. I have carried the belief (however deeply it was buried) that I did not make my husband happy so he left me for someone else. I convinced myself, and subsequently tried to convince YOU, that I failed as a “Doctor’s Wife” as if there was a certain skill set I should have had in place and didn’t. How liberating! I can let go of that belief. I’m free of the lingering self-recrimination that came with that falsehood. I love, love, LOVE when another layer gets peeled back and I can “clean house” inside!

The new belief is “At one time, we loved each other deeply then we grew apart. We each found true love with someone else.” Period. No judgements. Wow.

❤

“The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”

Proverbs 4:7