Putting Things into Perspective

When I think of all the things that are going on all over this planet, my problems seem pretty small in comparison. It’s all a matter of perspective.

I come from a long line of “worrywarts”…my mom was the Queen of Worrisome Thoughts. We would accuse her of going to bed at night just to think up stuff to worry about the next day. Ahhh, she taught me well. Unfortunately. Worrying creates physical and emotional symptoms which are included under the blanket term…anxiety. If you are a worrier…just try to stop. I dare ya. Because…you don’t just stop that. Especially when it is a life long, ground in, baseline behavior.

I don’t like being a worrier. I don’t like feeling anxious. So why does my mind keep going back to that place where I think up every bad outcome that can possibly happen? Why do I try to control how things play out because I’m as sure as a gypsy with a crystal ball I know how it’s going to go? Why do I freak out when I’m facing uncertainty? Because. Those are the genes I’ve got and that is the background sound track of my upbringing.

I find it’s worse when I’m isolated…which translates to winter. There aren’t as many social opportunities in the winter. We tend to hibernate and keep to ourselves more in the winter months. Stir in a global pandemic, and my world has collapsed to a handful of people who mean so much to me…and one of them just died. So yeah…it’s been a mite rough of late.

I am bound and determined to get a handle on this because I really don’t want to live out the rest of my days with butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms every time I’m faced with uncertainty. Life is, by very definition…uncertain. These times are uncertain. The world is uncertain. When Mr. Virgo had his heart attack, his death…and the disturbing images of the rescue efforts in the ER…left me traumatized. PTSD is tricky. It has a hair trigger and certain situations set me into a tailspin.

When Mr. FixIt had two small strokes within a few weeks of each other, it left both of us feeling like we were living under Damocles Sword. We were just waiting for the string to break and our world would come crashing down around us…all while navigating the pandemic and political upheaval. As time has gone by, we are feeling more and more confident there isn’t an impending catastrophic event about to occur at any moment. I don’t hover over him every second and watch his every move anymore. But still, when I get isolated, I find it more difficult getting back out there in the world.

When I was going through a particularly dark and difficult time at the end of my second marriage, I was in therapy and it really helped me find my voice. After Mr. Virgo died, I went to grief counseling and had EMDR treatments for PTSD and that really helped. That therapy gave me tools to use to help me find my way through the dark times. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we forget to open the toolbox and find what we know is there. Sometimes it gets just too easy to sit and rock and worry.

Technology has come a long way since those dark days of my new millennium. I was reading an article yesterday about mental health advancements and ways you can help yourself through these trying times. They suggested an app called Mindshift. You download it and it asks you questions and gives suggestions of tools to help you feel better through CBT…Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is a journal area and a place to set and track goals. There are Care Cards which give you thought points to help you through anxiety symptoms. There is even a section with guided meditations. Of course, it is not meant to treat or diagnose psychiatric conditions. The app has links to find immediate support should you need it.

My relationship with God is where I turn and hand over all my problems. But God also created doctors and medical professionals and techniques to help you when you struggle. I don’t know anyone who has not been changed by the events of the last two years and I know for a fact that I am not standing alone today in my feelings of loss and confusion with the state of the world. I’m all about finding the light…looking for the goodness…and using the tools I need to feel better, more stable, stronger, and less worry-filled than I have been the last couple of weeks.

I’ve decided my new word for the coming year will be “Wellness” and all that it entails…physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m starting with baby steps…working with the Mindshift app, cutting back on sugar and processed foods, drinking more water, getting out every day for a walk and looking for healthy ways to make myself feel better. I’ve really missed camping. It’s always something that lifts my spirits. So, yesterday afternoon I packed a little overnight bag, kissed my sweetheart, and headed out to the Big Birdhouse in the field. It was well in the 60’s outside and it felt great. I set up the bed with the new twin-sized electric blanket we bought earlier in the day. And I camped out in the camper all night…on December 27th in West Virginia! How about that??? There was rain on the roof and everything!

Edit: I got a call at 11:30pm saying our powers would be out sometime between 12:30 and 3:30am for an emergency repair. The overnight low was in the mid-40’s so I came inside at midnight, but it was a great break…just what I needed!

I can feel life flowing back into my spirit with every word I write!

❄️