Jada Pinkett Smith rolls her eyes in response to Chris Rock’s joke about her alopecia. Initially, her husband laughs with the crowd. Then….not so much. Photo Credit: ABC

I have to tell you…I never watch the Academy Awards. I went eight years without a television. Then, after Mr. Virgo died, there was very little that could hold my attention for more than an hour so movies fell off the list, too. Mr. FixIt and I have been together for five years now and I believe we have gone to the theater maybe twice in that time. It’s just not something I do, so the Oscars are a bit of a moot exercise. I don’t know many of the actors and don’t follow their careers.

I was writing my post Sunday night when Mr. FixIt called me into the living room to see something on TV. He was watching the awards ceremony when the infamous “slap heard ‘round the world” played out on the screen. He, like many others, questioned what he was seeing. Was this a joke? Was it scripted? One look at Will Smith’s face when he was shouting at Chris Rock told me this was real.

Social media lit up with a fervor within moments with hashtags like #whatjusthappened. As best as I can tell by what I’ve read, there were a lot of things at play here and I think they warrant some discussion…not that there hasn’t been plenty, mind you.

First and foremost, let me say there is no place for violence…ever. I do not condone that behavior, nor am I excusing it. 

Jada Pinkett Smith announced in 2018 that she was suffering with alopecia and decided to shave her head. From what I’ve found, she had only one spot of hair loss at the time, located on the crown of her head. As is her prerogative, she took control of the situation, much as chemo patients do who shave their heads before the poison has a chance to make their hair fall out in clumps. I admire that.

Alopecia is an emotionally painful condition. Much of our identity is tied up in our appearance and let’s face it…our hair is right there, front and center. Short of wearing a ball cap, we can’t do much to hide bald patches. I watch people I love struggle with ways to hide hair loss and I wish I could just get them to be brave and take charge and embrace who they are. But, it’s not my head…it’s not my hair. 

Chris Rock is a comedian. I don’t think he’s very funny. His jokes are crude and vulgar and it’s never a good idea to joke about someone’s medical condition. So, at the get go, this wasn’t going to go well. When he got to Ms. Smith and made a reference to the next GI Jane movie, he was making reference to her alopecia. Not cool. Then…something happened.

The room laughed. Will Smith laughed. Jada Pinkett Smith did not.

What happened here? Obviously Ms. Smith didn’t laugh because the joke was about her. So why did the audience and her husband laugh? There is something called “mob psychology”. Something happens in a crowd setting that may not normally happen with the individuals within that crowd. It has to do with the need to belong, to fit in, to be one of the “in crowd”. It’s why teenagers succumb to peer pressure. And it’s why some law abiding citizens join in on a law breaking event they might never think of doing in any other setting.

The people in the audience take their social cues from each other. If a handful of people would have booed at the joke, there probably wouldn’t have been the laughter…albeit uncomfortable. So, they laughed. Will laughed. Then he looked at his wife and saw her annoyance and probable hurt. And, as is often the case with toxic masculinity, he went with his first impulse and walked to the stage to strike the errant comedian. 

Let me interject a story here. When I was thirteen years old and my brother was fifteen, Mom left us home when she went to work. My brother is differently abled…he has cerebral palsy. I was, and still am his self-appointed protector. I was in the house one day, cleaning up the kitchen and starting supper. I heard a ruckus out back and went to investigate. There was a neighbor boy on the bank, hiding in some bushes, making fun of my brother and his stutter. I was livid.

I slipped out the front door, went up the street and around the back of his house. I snuck up behind him and before he knew what was happening, I kicked him in the seat of his pants and he went tumbling down the bank and into the street. He got up, skinned and bloodied. I shinnied down that bank as fast as I could and stood right up to that bully…nose to nose…and told him if he ever picked on my brother again, he’d look a darned sight worse next time. He ran crying into the house and I went to get my brother and take him inside.

I understand the deep down gut instinct to protect that which is mine. I do. But there is a huge difference between what I did as a thirteen year old and what this grown man did on national television. I understand we hold celebrities to higher standards because they are looked up to by others. I know what he should have done…could have done. He chose to resort to violence and sullied his reputation in the process. I believe he’s contrite for a number of reasons…not the least of which is the repercussions that may come from the Academy itself like the possibility of losing that coveted Oscar. I understand he and Chris have mended their fences already…which smacks of “boys will be boys”. 

Did Jada need rescuing? Probably not. She is a pretty strong individual and can hold her own from what I can see. Did the people involved in the movie he was there to represent get their evening ruined? Probably so. It wasn’t the shining moment they were hoping for…that they deserved. Did the attendees get what they came there for? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s not the point of this exercise.

Denzel Washington probably had the most prophetic comment of the night. During the commercial break…after the altercation but before Will’s Oscar win…Denzel said to him “At your highest moment, be careful. That’s when the devil comes for you.” And, isn’t that the truth? When we are at the apogee of our careers…when we are standing in the spotlight of good things…that’s when we are the most vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks.

Will Smith ignored his better angels that night. He did what he thought was right in the emotion of the moment and defended his wife. And what we witnessed was a fall from grace which is a really hard thing to watch. There’s been a lot of that lately…that “falling from grace”. Maybe society at large have been living a little high on the hog and we’re getting dressed down to size. Maybe mob mentality is challenging our better angels to a duel. I don’t know. I do know that violence is never the answer to lasting peace…not in any arena.

Lady Gaga, left, and Liza Minnelli present the award for best picture at the Oscars on Sunday, March 27, 2022, at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

What we really should focus on were the wonderful firsts that occurred during the night. The best picture win went to an all deaf cast, bringing the deaf community into the spotlight in a mainstream movie that normalizes the characters’ lives, showing them as no different than ourselves. But to me, from what limited clips I saw, the star of the evening was Lady Gaga. She accompanied the aging and frail Liza Minnelli out to present the Oscar for Best Movie. While Ms. Minnelli stumbled a bit, her protégé was calm and gently guided her through the entire process in a way that honored the septuagenarian without infantilizing her. What a wonderful example of respecting our elders. These are the people we should be looking up to and talking about.

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“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:12 ESV