You know the saying…”Hindsight is 20/20″? I had an interaction with a husband at the Country Living Fair that initially set my teeth on edge but now that I’ve had time to think about it, I wish I would have handled it differently. So, here’s an open letter to that husband. (I know not all husbands are like this, but there are many who are. If you aren’t, good on you. If you are, listen up!)
Dear Husband,
The other day when you were looking at our trailers at Country Living Fair, you overheard us talking about Sisters on the Fly. You were puzzled when we said we go without men.
“But, you NEED a man to pull something that big!”
“It’s only 19 feet.” I replied. “I pull a 30 footer all by myself.”
“Well, MY wife couldn’t do that. She needs me to do those things for her!”
Sigh.
My initial response was incredulity (carefully hidden, of course) that you didn’t think your wife could do anything. Then I looked over at her peeking in the trailer with a serene smile on her face. How could she stand to be treated this way? That’s when it hit me. She knows you better than I do. You didn’t seem an aggressive, bullying sort. Your reaction seemed more chivalrous than controlling. I realize now that she understands your love language. Your way of expressing your love for her is to do “manly” things for her so you feel useful. Her love language for you is to let you feel like the knight in shining armor. But, there’s an inherent danger in this that neither of you may realize.
What happens when the knight in shining armor falls off his horse or dies? Who’s going to take care of the little woman after you’re gone? Believe me, I have talked with hundreds of women whose grief is compounded by their fear because they don’t know how to do anything “manly”. Yes, in 2015! With that in mind, let me offer you some friendly advise.
1) If you truly love your wife, wouldn’t you want her to feel strong and capable to do anything in case something happens to you and you can’t do it or if you die and leave her alone? Make sure she knows how to operate the tools and machinery necessary to care for her home and vehicle should she need to.
2) If you have a travel trailer or motorhome, make sure she knows how to hookup and unhook, back up, operate everything, and drive or tow. You might throw your back out flipping burgers or you might drop dead of a heart attack. She needs to know how to get out of a mess. She also might want to continue the RV lifestyle after you are gone and it will be so much easier for her to make that decision if she is armed with knowledge.
3) Please don’t be threatened if she wants to go off with the girls pulling her little trailer behind her. She needs her sisters…her tribe. Because there may come a time when you aren’t there for her and she is going to need all the support, love, strength, courage, and encouragement she can get. Sisters on the Fly is just one of the options she has to get that support from other women. She NEEDS this…don’t deprive her by your own insecurity. Trust me, we don’t sit around the campfire and talk bad about you. We sit around the campfire and talk about the best kind of chainsaw to get or which truck has the best rear axle ratio for towing or how to make the best martini or any number of subjects. Or we just laugh ourselves silly over anything that strikes our funny bone. The last thing we want to do on our down time is to bash you. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
4) We’ve got badges to earn. We want to learn how to cook in a Dutch oven or ride a horse or fly fish. We have stuff to do. Girl stuff. Stuff you don’t understand. We need to decorate our trailers. You have a man cave? We have “She Sheds”. Don’t have a nutty if we want to paint the wood interior pastel colors and hang a chandelier and lace curtains. Or decorate it like a 50’s diner or a cowgirl’s bunkhouse. To you, it’s just camping. To us, it’s the playhouse of our dreams. Our sanctuary. Our safe place. Our path to girlhood. And trust me on this as well…we are infinitely more willing to participate in life with you when we’ve had a little girl time. If you are a smart man, and I know you are, you will understand this and not make your wife feel bad for leaving you and the kids and the dog behind for a few days. It won’t kill you to warm up mac and cheese or a frozen pizza. And remember, “Happy wife, happy life.”
Life is short, guys. Statistics show you die before us gals. Please understand, we are capable creatures. We know how to do stuff. We may make you think we don’t or can’t, but most of us do and can. All we need is the skill set needed and we can do anything we want. Really.
Sincerely,
The Widow Who Knows
❤️
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 7:12