Mary Ann writes: “Happy for you. I know being on the water in my kayak is my happy place and I presume it is for you too. One question…how have you managed to do this alone? I have only been on the water one time since my husband died in June. Going alone just doesn’t seem like a safe idea. Even the time I went with friends, wrangling the kayak onto/off the top of my (his) truck was difficult for me. I’m wondering if/how I’m going to keep doing this. Would appreciate any insights.”
Well, Mary Ann…I made a conscious decision early on that I was not going to let widowhood hold me back from doing anything I wanted to do. I am determined to figure out a way to make whatever I attempt work, no matter how big of a challenge it is. Yes, getting the kayak up and down off my truck is difficult and it takes a lot of maneuvering and figuring out leverage. I bought a cradle with suction cups that allows me to slide the kayak into the rack on the roof of the topper. I lay the tailgate down and stand on it. I close the topper window and raise the end of the kayak up over that cradle. Then I get down and lift the other end till the balance shifts and the nose comes down and the tail goes up. Then I climb back up on the tailgate, slide the kayak forward in the rack till it’s in position, and tie it down.
As for going out alone, I never do anything alone without notifying someone of my whereabouts and when to expect me back. I always keep an active fishing license because you pay a search and rescue fee with your license fee. I have never kayaked alone on the Ohio River, but I did on Standley Lake in Colorado. I have to tell you, the problem there wasn’t my ability, it was being alone and some activities are better shared. I have plenty of friends who want to get together and do activities. I would suggest MeetUp as a way of finding like minded individuals to do activities with. Also, church groups, recreation centers, Y’s, and women’s clubs are excellent ways to explore new activities and make new friends.
Now, in the larger arena of “alone”, it can be difficult to find ways to be alone that don’t involve reminders that you’re…well…alone when you are missing your spouse. Understanding friends go a long way towards making you comfortable stepping outside of the box. I fought being alone for so long because I really didn’t want to be “one of those widows” who would rather spend time with their cats than socialize. Now, while I am certainly open to another relationship, I have truly come to enjoy a certain amount of solitude and might resent someone trying to horn in on it.
The key is, for me…I had to walk through a lot of grief before I could come anywhere close to saying not everything about being alone sucks. The thing I miss the very most is the physical contact…hugs and kisses and making love on a lazy afternoon are palpably absent. I am such a physical person, being alone in that sense sometimes feels like a prison sentence. But I have God in my life. Knowing that He carries this burden for me, that He weeps for my pain, gives me comfort. I trust in Him to provide for all my needs…including a companion if He sees fit for me to have one…and that makes me feel less lonely. He brings me joy on a daily basis. That is how I manage alone.
❤️
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3 NIV