Day 8, 9, & 10: Grand Adventure – Part 1

Well, as you can tell, the internet doesn’t work at the RV park in Pagosa Springs. Hooray for Libraries! I had a beautiful drive down on Saturday. Another Colorado blue blaster day! As I was coming over Poncha Pass I was reminded of the first time Mr. Virgo and I traveled to Pagosa for the job interview that led us to move there. We drove through a blizzard so bad that he watched the GPS and told me when the next turn was coming! Oh my gosh, that had to be the worst conditions I have ever driven in since moving here in 1986. When we finally got to Pagosa, he had to force his door open because there was about an inch of ice frozen over the whole car. He had to spray it all down to melt off enough to open the other doors. Ahhh, the memories!

This cold or allergies or whatever it is has really kicked my hiney this weekend and I slept a lot. Not a bad thing, but I’m not doing the adventurous things I had hoped to do. I went to the hot springs yesterday for a soak (NOT as clean as the ones in Glenwood, for those of you who are interested.). Then I had one of the best massages I have ever had! I got some lunch and went back to the trailer and thought I would just lay down for a few minutes to read and 5 HOURS later I woke up. I believe I am on the other side of the worst of it and things are looking up from here!

Today, I met my friend Jenny for lunch. What a treat! We worked together for the year we lived here and it was so nice to catch up. She told me another gal we worked with, Sherri, worked at the bakery so I stopped to visit her while I had a nice cup of tea. (Oh, by the way…that was while it was SNOWING outside! Only lasted for 5 minutes, but still…it was white stuff coming out of the sky where there is no earthly reason for it to on May 20th!) Such a nice day.

I have been thinking a lot about the grief process and have come to the conclusion it is much like childbirth. Once you get into it, you can only move forward. And, you can read all about it and take classes and talk to a hundred people, but when it is your turn, you do what comes naturally, just like you do when giving birth. I no longer feel the crushing pain I felt initially. I don’t cry as much as I did. I can think of something my husband said or that we did together and smile now, at least more often than not. I was talking with my friend at lunch about this today and she shared something she felt when she was grieving the loss of someone she loved. She said when she got to the point where I am right now, she was ready to join the human race again…to move past that initial phase of numbness. But she was concerned about what others might think. Would they think she was being callous and unfeeling? Would they think she maybe didn’t care for her loved one the way she said she had? Would they think she had forgotten him or was denying her true feelings? Maybe she didn’t grieve the right way or the length of time that was considered appropriate? I can relate to this. I am ready to stop rending my garments and live my life and explore and figure out who I want to be this time around. What do I want my legacy to look like? Do I really need this big house to rattle around in and spend a fortune on upkeep, not to mention the time and energy it takes to maintain it? Do I really need all this…stuff? This in no way means I have forgotten Mr. Virgo. It doesn’t mean that I don’t wish with all my heart that things were different and he could share this journey with me. What it means is, HE died…I didn’t. And he would kick my behind into next week if he thought I was sitting home in the dark while the world went on without me.

So, that’s where I am today. Looking towards the horizon ahead of me, wondering what is over the next hill that I can learn from and experience. I am so thrilled you are traveling with me! Today’s picture is of the mist coming off of Treasure Falls near Pagosa Springs.