We face loss…real, imaginary, potential…every day of our lives. Often the topic death resides just out of reach in our minds. We know it’s lurking in the shadows, but there is so much more to occupy us that we turn away. But what happens when the whole world is dark? When there is no bright and shining path to lead us forward? When you see no way out of your pain? When mistakes made seem insurmountable and things are only going from bad to worse? Far too often, these lost souls choose to end their lives rather than go on. They whisper secrets to Death hoping he’ll be their friend and carry them away from their pain.

We all know of someone who has chosen this path. A death by suicide leaves the survivors at a loss. It is an entirely different grief. It is untimely, unseemly, confusing. We lay guilt and blame on the table hoping to make sense of the hand that was dealt.

There are so many questions, but try as you might, you will never understand what was going through the mind of the loved one lost. You will ask yourself questions like “Didn’t they love me?” Or “Didn’t they think of those that love them?” In that moment, you are lost. You have blinders on and can see nothing or think of nothing, or no one. You are in such a dark, tiny painful place that the only thing you want is to escape. It is a hopeless, helpless place to be.

I have great compassion for these lost souls. I understand them. I cannot blame them, because they honestly can’t consider any alternative. I have even greater compassion for those left behind searching for answers.