“Big strawberry…big topic.”My friend Kimberly C. Paul interviewed me as one the first guests on her “Death by Design Podcast. She is a TedX speaker and the author of the recently release book, Bridging the Gap. (I’ll leave a link at the bottom of the page.) Kimberly worked for 18 years in Hospice and has gathered her experiences and stories together. She will have you smiling and crying and thinking as she covers the lessons her hospice patients taught her about life…and more importantly…death.
Death is largely swept under the rug in our society. We don’t want to talk about it. Too sad. Too scary. Too icky. We will plan the heck out of a surprise birthday party but leave our death up to our spouse or kids to clean up after. It’s like the baby that covers his eyes and thinks you can’t see him. You aren’t fooling anyone. We’re all going to die. Why not do it on our own terms?
I was deeply moved by our former First Lady, Barbara Bush’s final decision. She’d been battling COPD and had endured numerous hospitalizations when she finally decided she didn’t want any more. It was ok. She’d made peace. I’m sure she’d made arrangements. She said, “No, I’m done.” She sat up in bed and laughed and drank good bourbon and surrounded herself with love. What grace.
I’ve been hearing stories about my friend Fred who died this week. He had made a special point to visit and call people as he prepared for his own transition.
Mr. FixIt and I arrived at my cousin’s house yesterday afternoon. We had a family dinner and laughed and told stories and then we talked about his decision to stop therapy for his mesothelioma. The prognosis is he’ll survive another six months. That’s two years longer than we first expected to have and we’ve been so grateful that the last two years have been so wonderful. We don’t want him to leave us. There will be a hole in our hearts. AND, we accept his decision. His wonderful family will support him and walk him home.
I am providing my cousin’s wife with resources and phone calls and support and lots of love. I’m so happy to hear they’ve been having all the conversations they need to have. They done all the planning and the financial decisions. They’ve talked about their feelings. He’s made the decision to donate his body for research on mesothelioma. I am so encouraged by their ability to approach this with a steadfast love and respect.
Starting the conversation isn’t easy but so important. It’s a gift you can give those who are left behind. ❤
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
Proverbs 11:14 ESV
Hi Ginny, I too volunteered for hospice , one of the most humbling, rewarding, and special times in my life. Words cannot explain how it changed me and taught me about life. Thank you for exposing a precious time for so many ?❤️?
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It is very important to plan for our death to make it easier on those left behind. To say nothing about perhaps being less expensive! Myself and several others in this area have paid for and signed up for direct cremation for a fraction of the cost of funeral home care and the cremation they offer! I know from experience this will be much easier on our families! But there are still many who just won’t discuss this..they feel it is morbid..but no one is getting out of this world without needing a plan! That and having a living will in place, another very important part of this plan! <3
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It is very important to talk to your family about what you want to be done when the Lord calls you home. My father-in-law went home this past November. But, one of the 5 children didn’t agree on the plan the other 4 made, even though they called him and talked about the plans. (he lives out of state) My mother-in-law was the deciding factor on the final plans. She is in poor health and the plans were because of what was best for her. That sibling has not contacted any of his siblings since the funeral. It is so sad. Thanks for reminding all of us to plan.
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I worked as a hospice nurse for the past 23 yrs. I’ve recently been laid off of work. I could find another hospice job in a heartbeat with my experience and knowledge but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do. 23 yrs of dealing with death and dying has changed me. I feel hardened in a way- you need to be when dealing with the dying – or you’d be in a constant state of grief. I never lost my compassion or caring but I feel like I’ve become too pragmatic dealing with everyday life. So I’m taking a break for a bit until I can figure out what I want to do next. Love to you and your cousin.
After my husband died from a 10 month battle against AML, he came home to hospice. My SIL, an RN, provided the expertise to ease his transition to the beyond, so he suffered very little at the end. In the days and months after the previous ‘fighting’ mode, I found little to engage my heart and mind except being out as close to nature as I could get. Away from people, away from incessant noise, I began noticing birds around me as I sat still and listened. Noticing and studying this facet of our natural world gave me great comfort. I hope you quickly make a discovery of your own to engage the softer side of your daily life. You have given so much to our world, it longs to give back to YOU. Warm and sincere hugs,dear!
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