When you travel through life and keep your focus on the past, your view will never, ever change. You can’t rewrite history. It is what it is. I was talking with my friend the other night. We’ve both gone through the death of a spouse. I was talking about this blog and how it has evolved since Mr. Virgo died. I can go back and read my posts of two years ago and one year ago and they are vastly different than now. The natural progression through grief has brought me to a place where I seldom look back and grieve for times past. My focus now is forward, embracing what life brings. In some ways, it’s like the scene in Titanic where Rose stands on the bow of the ship and closes her eyes to feel the wind rush over her. My focus is now on life, not death. Light, not dark. Oh, there are still triggers that remind me of where I’ve been, but they are no longer anchors that hold me fast to the bottom. They are wakes from the passing ships that rock me, sometimes severely, but there is a limit to their power. They pass.

I can clearly see my progress into a normal life. My brain is forever changed by grief. A new map has been drawn in the nether regions of my mind and I don’t, can’t, think like I used to. That’s also part of the new normal. It is real. It is sometimes inconvenient. But it is not “bad”. It’s just different and different takes some getting used to.

This phase doesn’t have to be scary. It can be exciting to reinvent yourself. You get a do over. You get to make choices about what you want to do. You can learn new skills. You can (and most likely WILL) make new friends. You get to decide if you want a new relationship or stay on your own. You may find yourself feeling disloyal to your loved one when you are working towards change. I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun, but my next relationship will be with someone who is active and wants to share in these new activities I’m embracing. No eating in front of the TV. We will have separate interests as well as shared. These things are important to me so I’ve taken the time to think about what I want and I’m taking steps to attain them.

Focus on the past and you’ll likely get stuck in the quagmire of depression. Embrace the future and you open your world to unlimited possibilities. It’s just a matter of perspective.

❤

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.”

2 Peter 3:8