I am blessed with a really great guy pal. We talk a ton on the phone and he’s one of my best buds in the whole world. We talk about every subject under the sun and laugh till we’re breathless. It’s refreshing. And he knows me well. Very well. The last couple of nights we’ve had an interesting topic of conversation that kind of shocked me into seeing myself differently. We were talking about my interactions with people and I told him I am totally non-confrontational. He stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Now, wait a minute. I don’t see you as non-confrontational at all. You have no trouble telling someone you are not pleased with something. You don’t back down. What I see is this…you get knocked off balance when you are blind-sided by someone who attacks you verbally when it’s unwarranted. That happens to everyone. It’s the fight or flight response to adrenalin.” Stunned silence on my end. And just like that, I saw the name tag I’d been writing for myself, dutifully sticking it to my lapel, and announcing to the world…”Hello! I am _“. (Fill in the blank with the self-imposed description du jour!)
We give ourselves labels and keep hanging them out there, forgetting that we change as we grow. Now, while I don’t particularly enjoy confrontation, I can drop the old label and choose a new, more positive description. I can replace “non-confrontational” with something that suits who I am today, such as “empowered” or “assertive” or “strong”. And, if I feel empowered I can go into any situation confident in my ability to take care of myself. It may take some practice, and a gentle reminder now and then, to get it right. But I’ve just allowed myself to be assertive…to stand up…to say “You know what? You don’t have my permission to speak to me that way.” How liberating!
This is another silver lining…another gift from grief. I have, quite literally, achieved more personal growth in the last 22 months than I did in all of the 59 years combined before losing Mr. Virgo. I had no choice but to grow. It feels good.
❤
“Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
Proverbs 2:12
from men whose words are perverse,”