Every day since Mr. Virgo died, God has handed me a small tile and asked me to put it on a wall in my mind. At first, they were all shades of gray…darkness…shadows…swirls of inky blackness. I dutifully placed each one on the wall as He gave them to me. They made no sense. It was sheer chaos…day after day after day.
Then one day, there was a deep blue tile. I held it in my hand as though I wasn’t sure what “color” was. It had been so long since I had seen any. After a bit of meditation, I placed the dark blue colored tile amid the darker swirls. Some time later, I got another blue, then another, and soon…the tiles became lighter and lighter shades of blue. A pattern seemed to be emerging in the chaos and I could start to see a picture forming.
Curious, I began to run my eyes over the picture. I could see big empty places and I had an idea what I wanted to see there. I began to hold my hands out eagerly for my daily allotment of tiles. By this time, I was getting several a day. Then one day, I got a bright yellow one. It reminded me of something. The sun! Yes!!! I placed the tiles faster and faster. Bigger splashes of color emerged. Golden rays, swirls of deep orange, emphatic points of bright red.
Finally, I thought the picture was finished. I stepped back and looked and saw there were still many empty spots that needed filling, some lines needed correcting. When I looked to my left, I could see familiar scenes…scenes of a life already spent. When I looked to my right, the blank walled stretched further than I could see…it’s terminus shrouded in a foggy mist. I couldn’t see where it ended…but I could sense an ending somewhere over there.
This is my life mosaic. Here are all the experiences of my life up till now. The colors vary with the experiences of the moment. There, about twenty-five years back, was a dark period where I dealt with depression and divorce. There, about five years back, was another dark period when I dealt with the death of Mr. Virgo. All the other scenes are varying degrees of colorful brilliance, cool undertones, staccato spots of joy. It is beautiful and far from being complete. But every day brings me the opportunity to take what God gives me and paint the portrait of my life with it. I’m looking for a brilliant teal, a vibrant spring green, a luscious purple, hot pink. How about you? ❤
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Proverbs 16:3 ESV
It’s a puzzle to me… :~)
Yes…it is. ❤️
Ginny I hope some day I can get where u r. 2 weeks ago I lost my husband of 44yrs he battled cancer for four and a half yrs hes in heaven now but boy does it hurt.
Oh, Sue! My heart is with you in your loss. I know my current writings may not strike a time with you, but you can go back and read my earlier stuff righter here on the website or scrolling back on FB. Not everything has been copied over to the website yet but I’m making progress…slowly but surely. These early weeks and months will become a blur. Get as much rest as you can. Resist the temptation to mask your grief with pills and/or alcohol. Be gentle with yourself. Eat right and get out for a walk. The thing that helped me the most was putting something joyful in front of me. I joined Sisters on the Fly and Girl Campers, bought a little 16’ camper, and took for for three months by myself into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado just two months after losing my husband to a sudden heart attack.
You’re never prepared to lose them. Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re here. Things will get better. They will be different, but it gets a little easier over time. ❤️
Sue my heart goes out to you on the loss of your husband. I lost my hubby to cancer in Jan. 2012. We were high school sweethearts and married 51 1/2 years. I thought my world ended but my family pulled me through. I had decided to not join friends when they’d go out because I was without Nick, but they insisted that I come. My advice is to give yourself time to heal but don’t let sorrow pull you into a black hole. I stay very busy and that helps so much. I’d like to tell you that after a while everything will be better and most of the time it is, but I still have an occasional meltdown but that’s ok. Ginny has helped me so much, I hope her blogs help you too. God bless you.
Thank you so much, Glo. ❤️
Ginny, have you ever read the lyrics to Carole King’s song Tapestry? It had always made me wonder if she was writing about a meeting with Christ, who was reaching out for her. She describes the different colors she was given. Beautiful message, my friend.
Yes, I remember that. Carole is Jewish, so I doubt that was the intent behind her song. Still, beautiful. I met her when she was campaigning for John Kerry. She was touring Colorado and stopping in different towns and speaking. There were only about 30 of us there. She ended by leading us in singing “You’ve Got a Friend”. Pretty neat. Thank you for your kind words, Gail! ❤️
I was thinking more, she may have met and turned away. It would be so sad if that were true. I always loved her music.
Yes. ?
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Just beautiful Ginny.
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