Mr. FixIt had a routine medical procedure done early yesterday morning. I sat in the truck, browsing through the comments on the tributes to my dear friend, Sparky…tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. I can’t think of her or talk about her or text with someone about her without crying. This is what fresh grief is. This is mourning. This grief will be with me for a while because dealing with loss doesn’t work on a schedule. 

I have experienced other losses since Mr. Virgo died. But none that hit me in the gut like this one. I sat back in the truck seat and looked out as the morning light beckoned the early birds from slumber to begin their morning chorus. I thought about Sparky and why my relationship with her has resulted in a deeper grief than some others I’ve encountered in the last few years. The bottom line is how entwined our lives were.

Think of a Maypole. People dance around the pole, weaving ribbons in an intricate pattern. It doesn’t come apart easily, but you can trace a particular colored ribbon from bottom to top as it weaves in and out of the others. It takes all of them to make the big picture. That’s the way love is…any kind of love. Parts of ourselves blend and weave in with those we love so that when they are gone, there’s a hole in the pattern.

All day yesterday, whenever I saw or heard something funny, I thought of telling Sparky and my heart twisted as I remembered. Any of us who have lost someone dear have experienced the same thing. Time after time, I remembered Mr. Virgo wasn’t coming home from work. Time after time, I remembered my mom was gone when I reached for the phone to call her every Sunday night. Now, time after time, I’ll think of Sparky when I see something hysterically funny.

That’s not a bad thing. I mean, at first it’s gonna sting. But, for the rest of my life, I get to think of my friend every time I laugh. There are worse things in the world than celebrating joy in the memory of a great friend. I’ll get there. For now, I’ll experience the pain. It’s part of the process of grief. It’s the price I pay for having had a great friend.

I have something cute that I didn’t get the chance to show Sparky. I have a friend in California who is a widow who taught herself how to carve wooden figurines. I showed you the little grandma that I bought from her last year. This year I bought a Santa and I’ve decided to buy a new one every Christmas for the windowsill in the family room. Follow my friend’s page and you can see all the cute things she creates from solid pieces of wood. Cozy Cabin Carvings by Evelyn Jimenez can be found on Facebook HERE. 

❄️

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8 ESV