I seldom look back at what I’ve let go of. Mostly because of fear that I’ll regret the decisions I’ve made and what’s done is done. I recently learned my old next door neighbor sold her house and moved on. Yesterday, I was telling a friend about my former home and it set me to thinking about the space I shared with Mr. Virgo.
I bought my home after I separated from my second husband. It was the perfect size to share with my teenaged daughter. With three bedrooms and two and a half baths, I knew I was blessed to have such a lovely space to live in. As a single mom, I wanted our home to be cozy and inviting. It was girly and sweet. Flowers bedecked the top of each window. Green and white striped sofas and large overstuffed chairs, quilts, crocks, and antiques gave a shabby chic atmosphere that begged you to curl up with a good book and a warm throw. Tea pots and mismatched cups nurtured your soul with the warm elixir of the gods. It was my first sanctuary. My grieving place after losing a twenty year marriage I didn’t want to let go of. It was where I began to find myself and become the woman Mr. Virgo admired.
When I invited this new man into my world five years after I bought my house, my décor was tired. I was outgrowing the cutesy-ness of it. And Mr. Virgo patiently waited for me to suggest we do some updating. Six months went by without me saying anything about all the sweetness and flowery ruffles around him, when finally he broke.
One day, Mr. Virgo and I were watching TV and he said, “Baby doll…have you ever considered redecorating in here?”
I put my book down and looked around…with MY eyes and didn’t see what he was getting at. Then I looked at him and back at the décor with HIS eyes and saw it. The cacophony of patterns and colors must have wreaked havoc on his Virgo sensibilities.
“Well, I hadn’t thought much about it, but I’ll bet we can turn this place into something that reflects us both.”
He beamed. Finally, he was going to get to see something that didn’t look like it just stepped out of a Laura Ashley catalog! A friend of mine was selling her large home in a fancy subdivision and was not taking her furniture. I loved her stuff and when I learned she was selling it, I grabbed Mr. Virgo and went right over. He loved it just as much as I did and the week after we were married, we set about making this house OUR home.
When I made the decision to move to WV to care for my elderly aunt, I knew I could not keep all this stuff. It didn’t make fiscal sense to pay to store it. Especially since I had no idea how long I’d be gone. Besides, I was selling the house and who knew if I was ever going to own another one. I took lots of pictures of that beautiful home before I dismantled it and distributed the contents to family, friends, and charity organizations. I look at these pictures and it’s a museum. The Memorial Museum of Mr. Virgo. I only miss it in the way that I miss him in the picture. This is just stuff. HE was what made it beautiful. Without him, it became stuff again.
It WAS indeed beautiful. But it lost its life with Mr. Virgo’s last breath. It lost its allure. I’ve been thinking about decorating the farm house here and making it homey. I daydream about how cute I can make it. And maybe I’ll pick things up from estate sales and auctions here and there as I live here. In the meantime, I’m comfortable with my memories.
❤️
“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”
Isaiah 32:18 NIV