“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.”
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭4:14-16‬ ‭ESV‬

Women are the first to put our needs on the back burner in deference to those we care for. Add “widow” to that and there’s a big “Why bother?” component. Especially during the first year or two. And, honestly, that’s when you need it the most. Grief is hard enough to navigate without letting our “Why bother?” mind take over.

I remember the first time I got a pedicure after Mr. Virgo died. I literally cried at the touch of human hands on my feet. Something in my soul woke up a tiny, tiny bit. After that, I made it a habit to get a pedi every month and a full body massage at least every two months just to feel a human connection. It doesn’t have to cost a lot to get pampered a little. When money was tight, the simplest thing like getting my hair washed was heavenly. And it only cost $5 at the salon in Walmart.

Once I started going, each subsequent visit woke me more and more and really helped me balance my loss with an awareness of my surroundings and my presence THERE, not THEN. I realized I’d been holding that moment of his death in the forefront of my mind which was like pushing instant replay on the DVR. It didn’t serve me well.

Probably the biggest obstacle I faced practicing good self-care was going out to a restaurant for dinner alone. I put on my bravest face and informed the hostess I would be dining alone so we could avoid that piteous “Just one?” As I sat in the booth, I ached for my husband’s presence. It was everything I could do to sit there and not run out in tears. But I was determined to start normalizing my present circumstances. I could not concentrate on the menu and just asked the waitress for a good salad with protein on top…salmon, chicken, it didn’t matter. As she left, I made myself look at the others in the restaurant. The couples laughing and conversing were totally oblivious to what the future would surely hold for one of them. I had my iPad with me as I had planned to write a post while I was there. Instead, I pulled up my favorite photo of Mr. Virgo and propped the iPad up against the bread basket. I proceeded to carry on an inner dialog with my sweetheart as I had my first dinner alone in a restaurant…”with him”.

Self-care is not selfish. It is not self-indulgent. It is important for your mental and physical well-being. Don’t ignore that. ❤