As I sit and write this post, Mr. FixIt is in town helping his daughter with something and I am getting ready to address Christmas cards while listening to carols on Pandora. I just had my coffee and a couple of the Oatmeal Raisin Cookies I made yesterday. Another heavy hoar frost has the branches of the forsythia decorated with fuzzy white crystal fingers outside the window where I am perched. The mechanical angel on top of the tree is gently moving her wings and arms as she nods her head slowly. It’s a peaceful scene here on the Ponderosa.

As I was baking my grandma’s Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Monday, I was reminiscing about Christmases spent out on the farm. Grandma seldom had any extras around because money was always tight living off the land. But, as Christmas approached, you could be sure to find certain special treats brought home from the Five & Dime in Harrisville in small brown paper sacks.

I especially remember the Christmas candies Grandma always set out in a special glass dish. Ruffled ribbons, chocolate straws, peppermint sticks…all conjure up the warmth of my grandma’s house at Christmas. 

My Uncle Bob had a developmental disability and lived at home all his life. Every Christmas, Bob would walk back on the hill with Grandma and select a tree to drag back down to the house. They were sparse little Charlie Brown trees. I thought they were kind of sad and pitiful back then because ours was always a big, full tree we selected from the lot down at the Shopping Center. Looking back with 65-year-old eyes, I’d give anything to go back and see the ornaments and sweetness of my childhood Christmases on the farm.

Mr. FixIt and I have an artificial tree. He purchased it for me the first Christmas we were dating. I was in Colorado and he was walking around the mall when he saw Sears had their trees marked down drastically. He called and asked if I wanted one. He sent several photos and I selected a slim tree with feathered tips on the needles that make them look frosted. It’s prelit with white lights. No twinkling for me. And no colors. I like white light…and lots of it in the wintertime. It helps with my winter blues.

Keeping these memories alive helps comfort me in times of great loss. When I conjure up images of my grandma, my mom, my cousin, my aunt, my other mother…it reminds me while they are away from me physically, I have them with me always in my heart. Christmas isn’t always a happy occasion when you are actively grieving. Holding the memories close can help ease that pain and gives you the outlet you need to process your grief. Feel your feels, I always say. ❤️

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”

Isaiah 32:18 NIV