Big strength can show up in small packages. This little girl is much bigger now and she faces competitive swimming with fierce determination. At 10 years old, she takes engineering classes…never letting the thought that she can’t succeed cross her mind. She’s small, but fierce and I admire her greatly. She is my first grandchild. My sweet, smart, fun, determined girl. I felt so bad for her last night. We were watching the fireworks. As a wise 10 year old, she was comforting her little sister and cousin when they were worried the fireworks might fall on their heads. She explained how they explode and burn up before they hit the ground. Not too long afterwards, someone set off a firework in the parking lot near us and sure enough, one of the sparkly bits burned all the way to the ground, shattering her sense of safety. It was painful to watch.

We all experience those moments when we realize our sense of safety has been compromised. Safety comes in many forms…physical, emotional, financial. It is disconcerting when things go out of kilter. We who are walking this grief journey especially like it when things are going along smoothly. We don’t like chaos, instability, or unpredictability. That’s why we get anxious at the thought of losing someone else. We’ve already lost too much.

When I have a wave of grief, it kind of knocks the wind out of my sails and makes me more vulnerable to worry and anxiety. I have to reassure myself that the moment will pass and not catastrophize the situation. It’s not easy because my mind will take off and be ten miles down the road before I know it imagining the worst possible scenarios. It takes a great deal of strength and determination to walk through this fire and I am constantly amazed that I am much, much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. We all are, even when we think we aren’t.

We may be but little..yet we are fierce.