There’s a day in October that hits me in the gut. I don’t know the date, but I know when it’s coming, and I feel it when it arrives. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I was playing on the playground after lunch when a little girl came up to me and asked if my brother went to Sumner School. I said yes, and she went on to tell me she heard on the news that the little VW bus they used for transporting the kids had been in a terrible accident and someone was killed. I knew my brother was on that bus.
The air went out of the world. I had a sudden rush of adrenalin surge through me and I didn’t know what to do. The next thing I remember, my dad came to get me early from school and told me about the accident. He said mom was at the hospital with my brother and he was hurt, but he was going to be ok. One of the other kids was also hurt pretty badly, but the driver of the bus, Mrs Anderson, was killed in the accident. I was terrified. At that young age, I was already a survivor of child sexual abuse, and I had developed a “shepherd reaction”. I wanted all my people safely at home around me. I never liked having them out of my sight.
The trigger for this anniversary reaction could come from anywhere. The way the light slants on a certain day. A particular smell. Strains of music that was playing at the time the trauma occurred. It could be anything.
Anytime we experience trauma, we often feel a foreboding when the anniversary of that trauma is pending. I feel it in October. But I especially feel it in March. My ex-husband devastated me when he asked for a divorce on March 15th. Mr. Virgo died on March 12th. While I love that spring is coming, March is hard for me. And now, we are about to experience a collective anniversary reaction.
March 11, 2020 is the day the WHO declared we were in a global pandemic. And March 13th is the day the President declared we were in a state of emergency. Friday the 13th. The lockdown began. We all experience these types of events differently, so it goes without saying, the anniversaries will also elicit varying responses. There isn’t anyone in the world who was untouched or unfazed by the news of Covid.
In some ways, we are light years from that dark day. But, there are many reasons to feel hopeful at this point. We couldn’t have imagined there would be a vaccine for at least two to three years, yet now we have three in less than twelve months. That’s phenomenal progress. We have knocked the numbers down a great deal. However, the REASON we have knocked the numbers down is better hygiene, wearing masks, keeping socially distant, and avoiding indoor crowds, so please…keep it up. It shows character and strength when you persevere through troubling times.
If you find yourself feeling anxious and depressed this month, be gentle with yourself. We haven’t lived under this kind of threat since the Cuban missile crisis…and never this protracted. You aren’t alone. Find someone you trust to talk out your feelings surrounding the trauma of the last year. If you need to seek professional help, there is nothing wrong with that. We all need someone we can talk to about the tough stuff.
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“Don’t get tired of helping others. You will be rewarded when the time is right, if you don’t give up.”
Galatians 6:9 CEV