In the eight years I’ve been writing this blog, there have been many, many times I’ve sat down to write, asked God for words, then argued with Him for an hour before finally giving in. There have been subjects I’ve broached that have scared me on many levels. There have been times I’ve been sure every reader would say, “Yeah…I’m done with this chick!” And, I have no doubt there have been many who have done just that. I do try to stay away from controversial subjects that are divisive, yet sometimes it just can’t be helped if that’s the tug at my heart.

After last week’s attack on the Capital, I sat in front of my computer and seriously considered going back through all my years of writing and “un-publish” anything that might make me a target of someone whose views differed from mine. I was quite honestly scared. I sat there for the longest time, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing what to do. As I always do…after I wrestle with something on my own for far too long…I asked God what He thought I should do. I closed my eyes and listened with my heart and remembered…I prayed for all those words to come. Who am I to second guess God for the delivery?

I am not saying I hear voices nor am I saying I speak for God. I most certainly don’t. But I do listen for the “still small voice”…the gentle nudges…and sometimes the flat out whacks on the head that He sends me when I ask. And I try to do what I think He would want me to do. Today, I think He wants me to talk to you about betrayal.

I was in a long term relationship once that taught me more life lessons than any one person should have to face. I saw this person as the answer to my prayers…my knight in shining armor. As is often the case when you are totally in love with someone, I downplayed his flaws. I saw him as “deep” and “complicated” and made excuses for slights and hurts when I shouldn’t have. I did not see him the way many others did so I defended him with a vengeance. They didn’t understand him the way I did.

Then, eventually…he betrayed me. But, even after I found out he had, I refused to believe it because I was totally convinced he was who he presented himself to be…or, who I WANTED him to be, actually. It wasn’t until I asked him to his face and he admitted it that I very slowly began to let the truth into my mind and my heart. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things in my life that I have ever had to go through. It was made more difficult by the subtle nuances of my own psyche. “How could I have been so blind?” “OMGosh! I must look so stupid.” I tore myself up for not knowing something I really couldn’t know…because I wouldn’t let myself see.

I don’t know if we can ever go through a whole long life without feeling the sting of betrayal from someone we truly hold in high esteem. It seems implausible. It’s happened to me more than once, and one time hurts just as much as another. What helped me through it was some really good therapy, finding my voice, learning to use it constructively, and looking at the world with a bit more of a critical eye. 

Once you’ve gone through something like that, you have a tendency to be able to spot certain behaviors that present as red flags…things that are reminders…familiar feelings…similar words and phrasing…even body language and posturing. Therapy taught me not to berate myself for not seeing, which eased my burden through the healing process.

Relationships are complicated, beliefs are deep seated. No one could possibly have made me see reality till I saw it myself…and any attempt to try would have been met with great resistance. Fortunately, I had people who loved me deeply, who were totally nonjudgmental, and welcomed me with open arms in my broken sadness. Love will always win over hate, anger, and revenge. I eventually learned to see this person for who he was and recognized my own culpability in the situation. Fortunately, we both learned from the situation and grew in our own ways, in our own directions, and became better people. 

If you have someone in your life that is feeling betrayed in any relationship, I hope you can refrain from saying “I told you so.” Instead, maybe you can embrace them and tell them you understand it must be really painful, and you love them, and you’ll be there for them should they need you. It may take a great deal of time and patience, but I think that’s what Jesus would want us to do in situations like that.

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“The Lord isn’t slow about keeping his promises, as some people think he is. In fact, God is patient, because he wants everyone to turn from sin and no one to be lost.”

2 Peter 3:9 CEV