I have been on retreat for the last few days with my dear sister/friend, Sue. I have also been struggling a little lately. Nothing major, just par for the course on the long road of life. A particularly bumpy spot but not totally unexpected given the stressors I’m working with.

The day I arrived, I walked through the midden pile and spotted a couple particularly beautiful painted potsherds on the ground. Even though I know better than to disturb them, I picked them up…marveling at the fact they were over 800 years old, hand built by the “Ancient Ones”. I slipped them in my pocket without thinking and at the end of the day, I found them resting on the counter of TOW-Wanda’s little kitchen.

I didn’t sleep well that night. The next day we hiked and had a grand day, but at nightfall, I found myself ill. All day Monday I was disturbed by something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Tuesday morning, while feeling a bit better physically, I just didn’t feel right. Agitated, antsy, anxious…all I wanted to do was hook up TOW-Wanda and get out of town. I texted Sue and told her my plans had changed, I couldn’t settle my mind and write so I was moving on. Sue, in her Earth-Mother wisdom said, “Soon, you must lite somewhere and write this book. I will love you and support any decision you make, but I’m going to start kicking you in the butt a little bit. But first, go walk the labyrinth.”

I packed up, hooked up TOW-Wanda, and even though it was already in the 90’s, I headed for the back pasture to walk the labyrinth. For those who are unfamiliar, a labyrinth is a walking meditation. A path is walked slowly with intention as you wend your way toward the “center of the universe”. You can present a thought, a question, a problem to the universe and walk to the center where you may be presented with an answer. By the time you wend your way out, if the answer still feels good, you can go with that. My question was “What is wrong with me? What is bothering me and making me feel so unsettled?” Then I began to walk. After 30 seconds or so, you begin to relax, your focus becomes centered on the rhythmic crunch of your shoes on the ground, and by the time you reach the center, you are really open and paying attention. As I stood still in the “center of the universe” I was given a very clear message. “You must put them back.” I knew immediately what this was about. I was NOT supposed to take the potsherds away. The spirits here want what is theirs. When I emerged from the other side of the labyrinth, the message was even clearer. I went back to the trailer and rummaged around to find the beautiful potsherds and carried them back to the midden pile. I ceremoniously deposited them beneath a sage bush and immediately felt fine. No anxiety, no agitation…only peaceful stillness. It was amazing!

I thought back over Sue’s words. “Soon you must lite and write this book.” For the most part, it is written…it’s just making myself sit down and put it together. Over lunch yesterday, I told Sue that I knew she was right. I also knew I was putting it off because it’s not pretty diving back into the pain of the last year. I’ll be at the family farm in West Virginia soon. It’s the home of my heart. I made a commitment to Sue, and myself, to spend that time writing…pulling things together while the emotion is still fresh…while the words are richer and closer to the source.

I can dream of a house I will build. I can walk through it in my mind and see, feel, smell each room. But, until I pick up the hammer, it’s all just a dream. The time has come to pick up my hammer and get this done. I will be out of cell range for three weeks from July 13th to August 4th. You and I will be disconnected for the first time in a year and a half. But I need to do this. Thank you in advance for your support and love while I journey a little while on my own. I love you all.