The other day when I wrote the post announcing my new love, one of my readers noticed the ring in the picture and remarked it was big and she certainly hoped I hadn’t loaned Mr. FixIt the money to buy it. At first, I was a little offended. After all, she doesn’t know me or Mr. FixIt. I always like to respond in some way to everyone who takes the time to write comments on my blog. This time I waited a couple of days to respond. I knew there was a teaching moment in there. I just wanted to make sure it was the right lesson.

Once I took the time to think through what my reader had said, I realized her intent was honorable…and quite legitimate. She knew a widow who had fallen prey to a scam artist and she lost everything. She now lives in an efficiency apartment with her worldly goods and a small pension. My initial response was much like what one of the following articles states…”Well, that couldn’t possibly happen to me!” Come on, it’s not like ANYONE gets up one morning and says, “Gosh, I think I’ll go out and fall in love and lose all my money today.” Lonely, mostly older women who are single, divorced, or widowed are quite often approached by scam artists posing as single, divorced, or widowed men…most often on Facebook and dating sites. They strike at our most vulnerable moments…the holidays. They know we are alone. They know they can’t get us all…but they can get some and that keeps them coming back for more.

I have received countless unsolicited friend requests from “military men” and “foreign contractors” with handsome profile pictures. When I last tried match.com a couple of years ago, the most common trait of the men who approached me online were 6’2″, Catholic, a widower, retired, and had a mid six-figure income. Seriously…if a man is that good looking and has that much money, he sure as the dickens doesn’t need to troll on match.com to find dates. He’s going to (more than likely) hook up with that 40-something tennis player down at the country club. Once you see these phonies, you recognize them and you can move on. They are banking on the newbies…the most nervous, the scared, the most unsure, the most vulnerable. I bit once before I figured it out. I have no idea what he took from me. My profile, most likely. Somewhere out there, there could be a fake profile with my picture, trying to scam widowers. I hate that, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Back when I was attempting to date, I had no problem running a background check on someone who expressed an interest in me. I started out with a simple Google search. Then I contracted with a reputable background search company and placed an order. Within a few hours, I received a fairly detailed report. You do need to have the person’s birthday to get more accurate results so there would more than likely need to be some initial contact, but it’s easy and can save you a lot of heartache down the road. The most accurate indicator is your gut. If this guy seems too good to be true, he probably is. Move on if there are doubts. It’s just not worth losing a minute’s rest over.

The problem with this kind of crime is, it often goes unreported out of embarrassment. No one wants to admit to falling for a scam. There are legitimately wonderful, fully available, honorable men out there. They often don’t come forward though. They don’t want to come on too strong. And they don’t want to get shot down. If you want to be in a relationship and no one is beating a path to your door, try starting a conversation in the produce section of the local market or the library or church. Try NOT to be a Casserole Queen…that semi-desperate woman who pounces on every new widower or divorced man in the neighborhood and shows up with the best fried chicken in five counties. Because…there’s going to be fifteen other Casserole Queens right behind you. Be the one who is different, who can offer something the others can’t. Mr. FixIt is a mechanically adept individual. It just impresses the heck out of him that I can back a camper up on a dime and have a nickel left over and mow the lawn in a single session. Beyond the fact that we’ve been friends for nearly half a century, I have some mad skills in areas that interest him. That’s what good men look for…good women who are interesting and can bring something to the table. One whiff of desperation will send him packing. It should work that way for you as well. If a man comes on too strong or wants too much too fast, don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You have no one to look out for your best interests but yourself. Listen to your gut. Choose “alone” over “Mr. Wrong”.

Today I head out on my big trip!!! I’ll be giving you the play-by-play but I won’t divulge my exact location in real time. I’ll tell you about the campgrounds and sites the day after I leave them. This is for my own safety. While I’ll miss the heck out of Mr. FixIt…I’m so excited to see my babies! And, I love a road trip!!!

Here are some articles for reference.

Facebookery: Scammers Targeting Middle-Aged, Single Women

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/money/4718423/online-phony-boyfriend-scam/%3Fsource%3Ddam

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2228686/Widow-69-conned-105-00-tricked-selling-house.html

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/the-sweetheart-scam-169804.htm

❤️

“How useless to spread a net where every bird can see it! These men lie in wait for their own blood; they ambush only themselves! Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the life of those who get it.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1:17-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬