Anniversary reactions. It’s a real thing and it’s predictable. It’s the annual echo of a past trauma that is triggered by events, smells, sounds, dates…any number of things that bring you back to that painful moment in your life. My brother was in a terrible accident when I was in fourth or fifth grade. It happened in the fall and here we are…all these years later. Every year, on a certain autumn day, this feeling washes over me and I take notice of it.
The last week, I’ve had a tender heart. The best way to describe it is… my heart hurts. There’s a heavy feeling in my chest. Things get to me more easily. I had trouble logging in to see Big’s swim meet and I flat out cried because I might disappoint her and not be able to watch. I went to the store yesterday. When I was putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, I looked to the side and there was a small display of fruit cake. I was surprised to feel the sting of tears. Fruit cake was Mr. Virgo’s favorite holiday treat.
I know why I’m feeling these things more strongly this year. Next Wednesday marks two years since my dear friend Sparky died unexpectedly. My heart just hurts and I miss her so much. It reminded me there are so many others who are feeling the same things this time of year. I’m practicing my grief skills. I’m getting enough sleep. I’m not eating junk food or binging on sugar. I’m trying to stay active and reach out to friends and family for extra support. Practicing self care is difficult when you’re grieving, but it’s vitally important.
I remember my first Christmas after Mr. Virgo died. I forced myself to put up the tree even though I had zero holiday spirit. I felt like I needed to do it anyway because it was his favorite holiday and I wanted to honor that. Then, once everything was up, it pierced my heart every time I looked at it. I waited till after Christmas, but everything came down as soon as possible after. I may have better off to have just skipped the whole thing.
We came so close to having a family disaster yesterday. I read about a fire on the scanner page and recognized the address. Our grandson and his girlfriend live in that area and it took me a couple hours to find out it was their apartment building. He’s working out of town but she was home. Her little kitty woke her up and she started yelling for help. The firemen didn’t know she was up there till she yelled and they came to rescue her. Her kitty didn’t make it out. We are so grateful they’re safe, but please pray for them. They were just getting on their feet and they have no idea how much of their stuff is salvageable.
Be kind to yourselves during this busy season. You are loved.
🎄
”fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.“
Isaiah 41:10 ESV
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I love this colorful elephant!
