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Always glean valuable insights from your wonderful posts. 😀 You truly have a rare gift for writing.

Regarding what happened to you in England when you were 21 —> In your case, any way you slice or dice it, the math just didn’t add up. How insulting to add about 15 years to your age to insinuate you had an 18 year old daughter! Obviously that shopkeeper’s eyesight was beyond gone! And being young and pregnant, you were probably still getting used to the idea of going from a wife to the duo-role of wife AND mother. For a shopkeeper, with a quick glance, to immediately make you an instant mother of 2 on top of thinking you were in your early-30’s? Yes, I would have been very upset too!

That’s what made my experience even more bizarrely puzzling to me for a long time. Almost even laughable! In my case, no years were added to my age. In my late 40’s at the time, I COULD have had an almost 30-year-old daughter. How insulting that this lieutenant dare ask that I had an almost 30-year-old daughter when I could have had a 30-year-old daughter?!!! WHAAAAT??!!! In my mind, if a stranger was going to ask me about children, I just KNEW they were going to be pointing at someone that was 8 or 10 years old! Not 3 times that! Somewhere in the span of that part of my life, I was unaware that the years had passed.

On that day I learned that MY perception of me may be far removed from actual reality. This morning I learned why. So, thanks again. Always look forward to reading your blog. 😀

I totally get that, Mary Ann. Grief is such an individual challenge. I had to dig deep and force myself to do things till it became easier. One of the camping groups like Girl Camper or Sisters on the Fly can offer a wonderful, supportive atmosphere where you can grow and build new connections and new skills. That’s what I did and I’ve made life long friends. I had never pulled a camper before but I did it! Even if you don’t “camp” there are often alternatives like cabins, lodges, and hotels you can use and still participate in the fun activities. My heart is with you, dear one. ❤️

Thank you so much for sharing your story, dear one. I had a similar instance in England whe I was a military bride. A younger (by 2 years) friend and I went shopping. I was very pregnant sleuth my first child and an older shopkeeper asked my friend if she was having fun “shopping with her mum”. I was shocked, angry, devastated. No one understood why. I was just turning 21…she was 18. It really upset me. I’m glad you gained insight through my post. Thanks for being here. ❤️

The feelings I felt 15 years ago made NO SENSE for the longest time, until this morning when I read your words. As the wife of a higher ranked military officer, I have the honor of attending formal military balls as the “First Lady” of the unit. One in particular stands out to me but not for any other reason than the way you described the emotion behind being called a “widow” for the first time. I was having a wonderful time at this grand formal event until one of the young female lieutenants asked me if the wife of one of the other officers there was my daughter. (Realizing as a babysitting teenager that I had no maternal instinct or desire at all, I made the purposeful decision even back then not to have children). When she asked that question, I just froze. And then I was furious. It was for the very reason that you stated. In that split second I saw myself as someone else saw me, and not at all who I thought myself to be. In my mind, I was young and vibrant. Certainly not old enough to be anyone’s mother, much less have a daughter that was almost 30 years old! Impossible!

I wish I could say that I handled it with class and decorum. Instead, with a withering steely-eyed glare, I turned on my heel and pointedly walked off. We left soon after. It didn’t help that my husband did not “get it” at all. Why wouldn’t I take it as a compliment that this striikingly beautiful girl was my daughter? She was gorgeous! Beauty – or lack of it – had absolutely nothing to do with anything! Like you, I felt shoved into a demographic that I had no desire to be in. Someone’s mother! And far worse, I apparently looked “old” enough to have a daughter that age! What a wake-up call that was. One innocent question and I went into an emotional tailspin of epic proportions.

Thanks for articulating so beautifully what I felt at the time. I chose not to analyze the raw emotion or the reasons behind it then. And until this morning, I wasn’t even sure why I reacted the way I did. {{{ HUGS }}}

Oh, Connie… I remember that first time so well. My heart is with you. ❤️

First of all, let me give you my heartfelt condolences. Losing your mom is a really hard thing. We are never prepared for any kind of loss. And, yes… It is perfectly normal to have waves of grief wash over you. You never “get over” grief. But you do get through it. You will learn to lean into the waves so they don’t knock you down as often. Be patient with yourself, dear one. This is a difficult journey you are on. ❤️