We were in second grade together. I’d rarely seen a black child before. We met in the line to wash our hands before lunch. I had terrible anxiety, and our teacher didn’t much care for me. She sent my anxiety through the roof to the point I could not eat. And if I didn’t eat, she held back my tray to show my mom when she came to pick me up after school. Mrs. Alexander crossed her arms over her chest and scowled whenever she looked at me.

As I stood in line to wash my hands that day, I prayed quietly. I asked God to please settle my stomach so I could eat and not get into trouble anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and this little round chocolate-brown face met me with concern. Her name was Lisa.

“Are you praying?” she asked.

“Yes. Mrs. Alexander scares me, and I can’t eat. Then I get in trouble every day after school.”

“Well,” she said with a firm confidence I knew little about. “I’ll pray with you!”

So, she wrapped her little arm around my shoulders, and we prayed together that God would make me feel better so I could eat. After that, I knew God was always with me and I didn’t need to be afraid because my new friend Lisa would pray with me as many times as necessary till I got through second grade.

As it turned out, my parents bought a house in another school district, so I didn’t see Lisa again till high school. By that time, we had our circle of friends, and we didn’t really connect till many years later at high school reunions. Eventually, I moved back to my home state of West Virginia and started getting together with Lisa. She had become a pastor and worked with several churches in the area and with Urban Ministries in town. Lisa joined our Divas do Coffee group, and we all enjoyed her stories and warm presence.

Lisa was funny, yet she didn’t mince words. If you needed correcting, she didn’t care who you were or what the social norms were. You got corrected. She was also the humblest human I’d ever met. She never tooted her own horn. She always made sure those who were considered the fringe of society knew they were loved.

Lisa died the other day. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer in September 2024. Lisa chose to go on Hospice to maintain quality of life instead of quantity. Her beautiful family put a hospital bed in her daughter’s den where she could watch the comings and goings of her grandchildren and love on them all she could. Occasionally, her daughter would record a video at Lisa’s request. On it, she reassured us all that she was doing fine. She told us she knew where she was going, and it would be glorious to walk with Jesus.

Lisa never really had much. She worked hard and raised an amazing family, living in the same town where she grew up. She lived in an older neighborhood because that was home. Lisa didn’t put up with any shenanigans from folks who may not have had her best interests at heart. She wasn’t afraid because she knew Jesus resided in her house, so there was nothing to worry about.

Our friend was in a terrible accident years ago. She stepped out into the street in front of her church. The sun’s glare in her eyes blocked her view of the car that could not stop. She was gravely injured, and the family was called in to say goodbye. Lisa was a strong woman with a lot of fight in her, and she recovered… unfortunately, with memory loss, back and spinal pain that stayed with her the rest of her life. She worked and did amazing things in this town. There was a settlement after the accident, but she did something special with it that she didn’t reveal to anyone.

I spoke with her daughter at the funeral home yesterday. It turns out that Lisa, in her humble way, created an endowment that would help support the Urban Ministries in perpetuity. No one in her family had any idea she had done this. It was a lesson for all of us in humility, love for your fellow man, and living like Jesus. None of us was surprised by the generosity coming from our stout little friend. It just makes us love her even more and makes her family very proud.

Miss Lisa, you were a peach, and we’ll miss you! We’ll see you in Heaven!!!

💜

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 1 Peter 5:6 ESV

***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for the friendship I had with Lisa and that she’s singing and praising Jesus in His presence…right…this…minute. I’m grateful for her gentle lessons in humility and the way she jumped out of her chair and danced around the room when I told her Mr. FixIt and I were getting married. “Perfect! A perfect match!!! This is exactly what I wanted for you two.”

The post When Your First Friend Dies appeared first on Marshmallow Ranch.

The little lollipop buds of our pink peony (Sara Bernhardt?) have been continually getting bigger and bigger. We knew they were going to bloom any day now. I walked through the yard this morning, and there they were. We have more blooms this year than any since I moved to Mr. FixIt’s little homestead. These are a pretty pink, but the ones out front are much darker. They bloom later because they don’t get as much direct sun. I’ll keep an eye on them and show you pictures. 

We had a lovely day. A leisurely breakfast (LOVE my grits and eggs!) and  Mr. FixIt snoozed in his Big Red Chair while I had my morning RYZE. When he went to see his doctor last week, we found out that he doesn’t have any immunity to measles. Granted…we aren’t going to be in the hotbed of measles outbreaks, but we have great grandbabies and we wouldn’t want to trade diseases with our beloved little germ bombs. I haven’t had my test yet, but I’ll be flying in June so I want to know and be prepared.

While we were out, we took advantage of the day. We shopped a little. We found an indoor electric grill that we thought might be convenient for camping. It was $39.99 at Walmart. We decided to stop at Ollie’s just to see what they might have. We picked up things like pruners and a soaker attachment for the garden. And lo and behold…there was the same electric grill for $29.99. I can’t get it for that online, so we picked one up.

We found a digital special on soda at a local grocery store, so we picked up five twelve packs. We don’t drink a lot of soda, and it’s all sugar fee. But sometimes you just want a fizzy drink, right? By the time we got home, it was after 9:00 and we were fried.  Today is usually my knitting gathering, but one of our gals passed away last week. We’ll see each other at the viewing and funeral on Tuesday. Sandy seemed so young to me, but it turns out, she was three years older than I am. She was such a sweet and kind person and will be missed by all who know and love her.

We don’t have a single thing on the calendar other than the viewing. Mr. FixIt continues to get better every day, but we postponed out camping trip for this week. He needs more healing time before we do that. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of stuff to do…you know, like mowing. Again. 🙄

🩵

“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.”  ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116‬:‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity my writing gives me to minister to others about the goodness of a loving God.

#loss, #grief, #friends, #God

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I heard spring peepers Tuesday night! Ok, it may be FAUX Spring….but what a delicious reprieve from the worst winter we’ve experienced here in a long, long time. Yesterday was a beautiful day. The temperature soared up to a balmy 81°!!!!! Oh, my….I sat out in the sun in mid-afternoon and it was so hot, I couldn’t stay out too long. Now I’m going to have to acclimate to warm weather…but that sure isn’t a problem for me!

As you know, yesterday marked twelve years since I lost Mr. Virgo. And it’s funny…this year hit me a little harder. I don’t exactly know why. But that’s the nature of grief, isn’t it? It’s been a very long time since I’ve cried  over him. My friend Gail is watching one of her dear friends slowly die of cancer and today was rough for her too. She sent me a link for a song. When I fixed my second cup of coffee, I took it out on the deck, turned on the song, and the tears began to flow.

I talked with Mr. FixIt Tuesday night about it. I reminded him what was coming up and I told him I didn’t understand why this time was hurting me. He held me and told me everyone grieves in their own way and sometimes it’s just harder than others. He makes room in our life for Mr. Virgo. I tell him funny stories and sometimes he even brings him up. Like one time, we were behind Mrs. FixIt 1.0’s house and her property drops off into a wide ravine. Mr. FixIt stood at the edge and looked down to see a buck with a huge rack and he said he immediately felt like Mr. Virgo was standing there with him. He smiled and said out loud, “Thanks for bringing the buck, buddy.” 

I’ve been married four times. Some people would be embarrassed by that, but not me. I’ve married four really great men in my life. They’ve helped make me who I am and I love them all to this day. Two of my other former husbands have had life threatening health issues that could have killed them. One has died and Mr. FixIt has had two small strokes. You’d think men would stay FAR away from me, wouldn’t you?

By the end of the day, I was back on an even keel and ready to conquer the next thing. Today is bread baking day…I sure hope it’s better this time!

💚

“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the memories I have and that God saw fit to grace me with a wonderful man to ride into the sunset with. I think in many ways, He saved the best for last.

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The time keeps marching forward… further away from the actual loss. That doesn’t mean he’s gone from my memory or my heart.

For those of you who are grieving the loss of your special person, my heart is with you. Your grief is the worst in the world for the precise reason…it is YOURS. You watch the world around you in a dazed fog, trying to figure out which is worse…accepting their death or pretending they’re just away on a trip. You feel like half of you is missing. You can’t imagine living another day, let alone a week, a month, or years. I hear you. I didn’t either. You move from thing to thing, mindlessly. You don’t eat much, and when you do, it’s likely a bowl of cereal standing over the sink. You spend money you shouldn’t because you thing, “Why not? There’s no way I’m going to survive this so I might as well spend to soothe.” That’s not a viable coping strategy…trust me. You lose all the color from your world…there’s no music, or feelings, or hope, it seems. But, let me tell you…there is hope. I’m here as proof.

With less money, more wrinkles, and changes that can’t even be described. But one day, you’ll see colors. You’ll hear music. and the tears will gradually be replaced with a gentle smile from a memory of your loved one. There will still be waves from time to time, but they don’t drown you anymore.

Ever forward.

Ginny

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Some days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed. That’s how yesterday felt. I woke up with a start. Everything was quiet. The blush of dawn had just begun to lighten the world. I felt unsettled and terribly sad. It took me a few minutes to discern what was wrong. Then I remembered the dream I was having just before I opened my eyes.

I hadn’t seen Mr. Virgo in several years. I didn’t know where he went or why I couldn’t find him. Then I heard that someone had seen him in Aspen recently. I couldn’t figure out why he was there and not with me. So I drove up to find him and when I did, he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. My heart was broken but he made it clear we were through and to never come looking for him again. The next scene I was standing in a barn. The sunbeams from the slats in the wood held swirling dust motes in their grasp like the water in an eddy. There were two large shapes hanging from the rafters. They were covered in a thin veil that connected them. I stood in the gloom, silently cutting the membrane between the two as my tears dripped to the dirt floor.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this dream and it always leaves me bereft. It just goes to show you, it’s been nearly twelve years since Mr. Virgo died and grief still smacks me right between the eyes sometimes.

I shook it off and headed into my day. I went on a walkabout and found a bunch of turkey feathers. The long tail feather is the largest one I’ve ever found. There were smaller feathers down by the creek. I’m hoping nothing got into my mama and babies I’ve been watching since spring.

Lots of wildflowers are still growing down in the pollinator gardens. Pumpkin went on the walk with me. She’s like a dog in that way. Mr. FixIt took my truck in to get the oil changed and the tires rotated while I went to knitting group. In the afternoon, he started a load of laundry and soon came back up to tell me the washer had bit the berry and wasn’t spinning. About that time, he headed to to put the cat up. He came back in and something was wrong with pumpkin. It looks like she may have a UTI so now I need to take her to the vet today. Poor thing. We’ll get her feeling better. In the meantime, I gathered up all the wet laundry and took it out to the farm (at 11:00 last night) to spin it and stick it in the dryer. Having access to this farm is such a blessing. Since it was so late, I just stayed overnight.

That was my reward for such a trying day.

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭18‬:‭2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

#farm#thefarm#farmlife#resourceful#grief

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Another early morning here at Marshmallow Ranch. Mr. FixIt and I headed to town in separate vehicles in order to leave Frieda the Ford at the truck doctor for a little engine work. She needed a new water pump. Mr. FixIt took her in last week to diagnose the problem then shopped around for the best price. He had a business card with the price written by the owner of the shop. When we went back in the afternoon to pick it up, he went back in with me just to make sure the price was what they agreed to. Not so much. He handed me the bill and it was over $100 more. I was glad he was with me, because I wouldn’t have known and would have just forked over the money. The guy didn’t like it but he ended up charging the right amount. I’m not a pushover with people. But, Mr. FixIt’s love language is service and taking care of these things is one of the many ways he tells me he loves me.

While we were waiting for the truck, we went out for breakfast then over to our friend’s house to try not to get overheated. Again…late nights and early mornings caught up with me and I ended up stretching out and taking a nap. Mr. FixIt watches the house for his friend so we can come and go as needed as long as no one’s there. It’s come in handy many times. When I woke up, I suggested we run up to Sam’s. 

Once we picked up the truck, we went our separate ways. I ran over to the big bougie Kroger store in Belpre to pick up a few things and he had a few stops of his own. While I was getting gas at Walmart, Mr. FixIt called and asked me to meet him at the McDonald’s down the road. His tailpipe fell apart. I took him to the hardware store for some wire then he hooked the tailpipe back up as a temporary fix. He has to go to town today for an appointment so he’ll take it into the muffler shop to get it fixed.

It’s always something, isn’t it?

One of my dearest childhood friends has been very ill and you all have been praying for her. I anxiously watch for updates from her daughter every day and there wasn’t anything posted on Monday. That worried me. Then yesterday, the news came that the family had made the very difficult decision to call in hospice and palliative care to help support their mom as she transitions. This just breaks my heart. She and I have been through so much together and I know she has gone through some really hard stuff in her life. She has done the work and healed from the demons that haunted her. She deserves peace. But…it’s just so hard to let our loved ones go. 

I was just thinking the other day how so many of our contemporaries are passing away. I mean, here we are…preparing to drive across the country for a month long visit with family. And at the same time, people we know and love are in a very different place in their lives…in their journey. This is where we have to chalk it up to “God’s Plan.” We do not know the number of our days. But God does. He counts the hair on our heads and the names of the stars.

I do not want to lose my friend. I do not want her children and grandchildren to have to say goodbye to their beloved. But if it is God’s will that this is her time to Home? Well, then…I pray her transition is gentle, peaceful, and all together glorious as she takes her last breath here and her first breath in heaven. And that all the angels will wrap her family in their silken wings.

🙏🏼

“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—”

1 Corinthians 2:9 ESV

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Before Congress standardized the holiday as “Memorial Day” in 1971, we called it Decoration Day. It was always on May 30th, then with the change in ‘71, it began being observed on the last Monday in May. That was the day we went to the cemetery and dressed the graves with flowers and placed American Flags for the Veterans.

As long as I can remember, we dressed in our Sunday best clothes and went to visit my Uncle Sonny’s grave who was killed in Germany when his plane crashed on 5/5/55. I can’t remember him as the last time he saw me, I wasn’t a year old. But I’ve “known” him forever. As a matter of fact, he’s one of the special people I’ll be looking forward to meeting when I get to Heaven. 

We also went to Ravenswood to visit my dad’s people. The thing I remember the most about that was having a picnic supper right in the cemetery. They set up sawhorses with platters of food and I’ve always thought that was so odd. Decoration Day was always a solemn affair for my family. The loss of my Uncle Sonny was a pain that seared itself into the fabric of our beings. A generational sadness that hummed just beneath the surface like an undercurrent of electricity.

I didn’t put out flowers this year. Perhaps I’ll get some on sale after the holiday. Someone suggested you go back to the cemetery to retrieve your flower arrangements to use the following year. They aren’t cheap these days. We are supposed to have a much cooler day today than yesterday, so we may go out and visit Mr. FixIt’s people. 

We didn’t get much of anything done yesterday. It was 85° and we had severe thunderstorm warnings from 4:00-9:00pm. It was just too hot to do much. I think we’re going to have to give in a buy a window air conditioner for the family room. There is absolutely no sense whatsoever to run the whole house AC when we aren’t back in that area. The only place we really need it is where we spend the most time.

It’s getting to be too hot for cooking in the kitchen. It does nothing but heat up the house. So we eat a lot of salads and sandwiches when it’s this hot. We always have a hot breakfast though. I haven’t grilled out yet. And I’ve been thinking about getting some ribs or maybe a pork picnic roast for the smoker. Corn on the cob hasn’t been too bad for this time of year. Mr. FixIt bought a watermelon the other day and I’m looking forward to cutting into it today.

And, just like that, tomorrow is June!

🌼

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Matthew 5:4 NIV

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I have a group of gals who get together periodically and camp. We have a group text where we catch up and plan camping trips and figure out who’s bringing what for meals. Yesterday, we received the sad news that one of the gals lost her husband last week. He was quite a bit older than her, but was generally healthy till the last couple of months so she certainly didn’t expect to become a widow that day. Then again, who does?

I also received a text from Hubby #2 asking for some dates he needed. I had to sit for a few minutes and try to figure out…when were we married? When were we divorced? It gave me pause. An event that I truly thought I couldn’t possibly survive, let alone recover from, had become more of a distant memory than anything else. It isn’t in the forefront of my thoughts. To be able to be friends now is so much more important to me.

Time is such a slippery thing. When I was newly divorce, and newly widowed, I was wounded to my core. The future was indecipherable…unimaginable. There were so many questions. Would I ever survive this? Would I ever find joy again? Would I ever have peace? You can’t imagine that the answers to any of these questions would be yes!

That doesn’t mean the hard things go away. There is a place in my heart that still grieves over the loss of that marriage. You aren’t with someone 20+ years and not be affected for the long term. I still have dreams about him. Some say that’s unfinished business. I say that’s your heart rewriting the story to fit reality. My grief from divorce was similar in ways to the grief of losing Mr. Virgo. 

Hearing of my friend’s arrival to widowhood made my heart ache for her. When you’ve been down this road, you have an understanding…an unspoken kinship. You just “get it” at an entirely different level than someone who hasn’t experienced that loss…yet. 

If you or someone you know is grieving, please know my heart is with you. There are no rules, no guidebooks, no recipes of how to get through such a loss. You just have to look for support where you can get it, and keep moving forward…one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Till you can breathe again.

💔

”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.“

Psalms 34:18 NIV

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I sat in the car in the parking lot, waiting for the hour of visitation. I called Daughter #1 to pass the time and catch up with her week. She was on spring break and her voice was light and happy and well rested. It did this mama’s heart good. I listened carefully…enjoying every moment I got to hear her voice. It’s hard being so far away from her. When she had shared her latest exploits, it was my turn. I told her I was preparing to do a good human thing. A Pastor friend of mine shared a post asking for community support for a woman I did not know. I rang off and headed inside.

A woman was sitting inside the funeral home…shell-shocked, red-rimmed eyes, with a stare I immediately recognized as profound grief. I’ve never met this lady, but I know her mama’s heart. She was sitting in a room with her son. Another woman sat silently on the other side of her. Her daughter was laying in what looks like a homemade casket that was painted grey and there was a massive spray of funeral flowers on top. 

While I stood in line, I looked at a large array of photos carefully attached to a foam core board. A display of this life cut short. I saw photos of the little boy she was while growing up. A serious, sensitive face with deep, soulful eyes. My eyes roamed over her life as she became who she was meant to be so that her outside matched her inside. These photos were profoundly different. Smiling eyes, rolling laughter, silly shenanigans. Her long, soft hair was the color of amber honey. 

These smiles were deceiving. She was happy to be who she was, but…like so many in the LGBTQ+ community, she was soundly ostracized for her expression of self. Junior High and High School were scarred with relentless bullying till the once happy and bubbly girl retreated and became socially isolated. I don’t know the details of her passing, but I can read between the lines.

Why did I come here? Because, when my youngest child was growing up, we went through the same things. While she isn’t trans, she is non-binary and that made her different. And different is a target. I came to show this bereft mama bear that she wasn’t alone…that her daughter’s life meant something to the world. The world just wasn’t ready for her. Not here, anyway. Not in WV.

The local political commercials are chock full of hateful anti-trans rhetoric. Grown-assed adults standing up there in front of the camera spewing fear, hate, and anger all over these humans who are only trying to be left alone to live their lives and do the best they can to figure it all out. What must it be like to KNOW you aren’t wanted? That you are reviled and thought of as less than human? What must that do the adolescent and young adult psyche? It chaps me to no end.

Why can’t those who profess to be Christian just love like Jesus loves? I read a meme about Jimmy Carter yesterday… “Jimmy Carter is an elegant reminder that Christianity is a practice, not a declaration.” If you love Jesus, act like Him. Show some compassion. Hug a stranger in their grief. And if you hear of a member of the LGBTQ+ community that has passed away in their prime, don’t be afraid to go to the visitation and hug their mama. You DON’T have to agree with the person’s life choices to be a kind and compassionate human. We as a people are so busy judging others, we’re forgetting the most important lesson Jesus left us with. 

“If you love me, keep my commandments.” 

Yet Jesus also said, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.”

Be a good human.

💔

”My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.“

John 15:12-14 NIV

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I heard yesterday that we have lost a dear friend in the camping community. I met Lynn Butler soon after I moved back home to West Virginia. She was the ultimate girl camper. She owned Setzer’s RV in Huntington, WV and hosted Girl Camper College a couple of times. I was fortunate to get to camp with her once. And there was a story that went along with it.

Remember when I had the honor of traveling around with the R-Pod 196 and I camped all over West Virginia? Well, I was traveling for a couple of weeks with Janine…Camper-in-Chief of Girl Camper fame. We attended the big RV Show in Elkhart, Indiana then moved on to the RV Show in Pennsylvania where we picked up the R-Pod. 

When the Hershey Show was over, Janine and I drove down to our place here at Marshmallow Ranch and camped overnight before we headed to a camp out at Girl Camper College at Beech Fork State Park. If any of you have ever driven up the road to Beech Fork, you know it is narrow and twisty-turny. We were coming around a curve and there was a truck coming right at me in my lane. I scooched to the right and my right wheel dropped off the pavement. We moved on a little bit, but I could tell I definitely had a hitch in my get-along.

Lynn on TV in one of her commercials!

Lynn was driving with us and Janine was following with her camper. I finally found a driveway I could pull into and Lynn stopped with us. In her expert opinion, she wanted the trailer hauled back to the dealership to fix it. She called her service guy and he was there in a heartbeat. I drove on with Lynn and she put my up in her Riverside Retro so I could still camp out. I was so embarrassed because I hadn’t been towing the new R-Pod for ten minutes! 

Setzer’s RV was Lynn’s mom’s business. Lynn took over when her mom couldn’t do it anymore. And, now that Lynn is gone, her daughter is doing the same. Lynn was a force of nature. An excellent business woman. A good friend. A fabulous mother and grandmother. And avid Marshall fan. I wish I would have taken more opportunities to camp with her. But I will always remember her generosity and kindness.

Whenever I hear of a loss like this, it makes me pause and ask myself, “Am I doing all I can to be a good person and contribute to the world?” Lynn was four months younger than me. It’s sobering to lose your contemporaries and it seems to be happening more and more often these days. It makes you stop and take inventory. We don’t know when it’s our last day, and I know I have a ton more I want to accomplish. None of us are getting any younger.

🌷

”For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.“

1 Corinthians 13:12-13 NIV

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