Gini…I can speak to the comparison of divorce and death. It is interesting that you mention it. Death is final. You know it is. The pain is deep and swift and all-consuming. You are sure you will die as well. It is done in that you know you will not see him again till you get to heaven. But, divorce? It depends on who initiated it. I was very young and initiated my first divorce and I know it was harder on him than it was on me. My second divorce was not my idea and I was devastated. The pain was deep and long and all consuming and I very nearly did die. I think the pain of that divorce, and the resulting therapy and personal growth, gave me the skills I needed to cope with the death of Mr. Virgo. As you say…loss is loss, just to varying degrees.

I am so happy you are full of love, laughter, and joy again. There is nothing like living in and for the moment! I am also very happy you are a Rancher. You contribute a great deal to the conversations and I appreciate that…and your wisdom!

Interesting that you were diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. So was I. When I was a diabetes educator back in the day, we often saw a new diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes after a huge life event like the death of a spouse or child. I’m going to have to do some research as to the relationship. In the meantime, I remember the first time I forgot our wedding anniversary. I, too, felt guilty for a little bit. Then I believe it was one of my kind readers who pointed out that is a sign of healing, not of a lack of love. I tried so hard to remember every single detail of my life with Mr. Virgo out of fear that if I let go of one small thing, he would be gone from me. When I finally stopped trying to keep all the balls in the air at once, I found that I didn’t lose him. Oh, maybe some of the details got fuzzy, but don’t they always? Instead, what happened was space opened up in my life. I was able to breathe again. And remember what I could with smiles instead of tears. The tears still come on occasion. It’s nearly the fourth angelversary and in the grand scheme of things, that’s not all that long. Give yourself some credit, dear one. So far, you have survived every single thing thrown at you in the last three plus years…exactly 100% of the time! That’s pretty awesome! Still, that doesn’t solve your problem with the house and your work. You have choices every day. As Yoda said, “Do. Or Do Not. There is no try.” An elephant is consumed one bite at a time. Use the “3 Foot Square” method of cleaning. Choose one 3 foot square section in your home and clean that before you do anything else in the morning. Even my 9 year old granddaughter can clean 9 square feet a day. Do that, then reward yourself with a coffee or cup of tea. Take that 15 minutes to thank God for giving you another chance to tackle this work today. Thank Him for waking you up. Ask Him to walk with you into your office and help you concentrate. Brain fog is a real, physical problem with grief. Set a timer and work 45 minutes and take a timed 15 minute break. Then do it again. You can do this, dear one. Scripture tells us “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.” It’s true. You can. Now, here’s a hug. ❤️

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