Here Comes the Rain

The Belpre Bridge by Ginny McKinney
“Belpre Bridge” by Ginny McKinney

Yesterday morning was sunny and warm. By warm, I mean 47. As in…above freezing! And by afternoon it was 72 degrees according to the thermometer on my truck. *swoon* I haven’t felt this warm since sometime back in September. It was downright balmy out there!

Mr. FixIt and I had errands to run yesterday and he asked me mid-day what I’d like for lunch. My go to favorite? The Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing from Chik-fil-A! And my go to favorite place to eat it? Point Park in Parkersburg. I wanted to watch the ice floes out on the Ohio River. Yesterday, there were three Blue Herons and a bunch of Seagulls sitting out on the ice. I believe two gents were trying to woo the same lady heron because one kept shooing off the interloper. Said lady was having none of it and kept flying away from Mr. Romance.

It had just started raining when we parked in our favorite spot. We really wanted to see a tug pushing barges through the ice but unfortunately, none came along. As an update, Mr. FixIt started working with a hand therapist yesterday. He’s doing really well. He did strain it a little last Sunday night when he pushed up off the floor, but it’s much better now. The therapist made a custom splint for his wrist and thumb that is much sturdier than the one he was given at the surgeon’s office and I am relieved. I was very worried he would slip on the ice and snow last week and really do some damage. We sure don’t want to have to go through this again!

One of my friends and his wife lost their faithful companion, Blue, yesterday. When I was so lonely and hurting, so many of my readers encouraged me to adopt a dog, but this is exactly why I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t put myself through that loss. Mr. Virgo and I put our seventeen-year-old Yorkie-Maltese mix down just three months before Mr. Virgo himself died suddenly. We had had Cricket cremated and were going to spread her ashes in the flower garden in the spring. When Mr. Virgo died, I just put that little box of ashes in the casket with him and swore I’d never have another dog. My heart aches for those who lose their beloved fur babies.

With the nature of grief being so unpredictable, sometimes you literally feel as though you are just one crisis away from losing it entirely. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the throes of grief, and the accompanying anxiety, and I have felt like I just couldn’t handle one more thing. As a matter of fact, the FEAR of having one more thing happen actually escalated everything. I have an arsenal of coping strategies at my disposal, but sometimes the slope is too steep and the boulder gains too much momentum too fast. There were so many nights when it all got away from me and all I could do was cling to God and pray for morning. If I can get a hold of the wave early enough, the best thing I can do is get out of the situation I’m in. It usually hits me when I’m in bed, so I get up and do something…scrub the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge, run the vacuum.

Another thing that will stop things from spinning out of control for me is writing. There have been countless times I’ve sat down to write my post while I’m feeling the waves of grief and anxiety come over me. As I write, I can literally feel the stress, fear, and anxiety fade…sometimes melting away entirely. I can’t stress enough how much writing can help you through grief. You don’t have to have a blog. Get a journal and write in it every night. I not only wrote this blog, but I filled several personal journals through the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died. Writing saved me. TOW-Wanda saved me. God saved me. ❤️

““This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭30:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

8 thoughts on “Here Comes the Rain

  1. Its been a month since i lost the love of my life. It hit hard today. Im a fix it kind of person and i realized that this is something i cant fix. Its final. I know this is permanent. All i have is memories. All our dreams are gone. Now, at 65, i got to start all over. Its not been easy. With God on my side, I can do this. Your right about writing in a journal. It does help. Writing in the present not the past. This shall pass.

    1. A month is a long time to be without a loved one. Everything is so new, so raw. I know God was with me everyday as I dealt with the loss of my husband. I spoke to God as if He were right beside me physically. Sometimes it felt as if He were physically beside me.

  2. It is hard, so raw and fresh for you now. It has been 5 years since I lost my hubby. I recommend a guided journal, A Cup of Our Life, by Joyce Rupp, in addition to your journal. I found it very helpful. God’s blessing and peace to you.

  3. Grief hits me often early in the morning when I’m in bed too. I’ve learned to just ‘greet’ it and get up. Agreed – any activity helps.

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