Free Spirit

Woman in fringe coat

Much of my life was spent trying to conform…to not be too loud, too big, too much. To fit into the mold of who I (and others whose opinions I valued over my own) thought I should be. I was a doctor’s wife. I was supposed to fit in, entertain, volunteer. I converted to Judaism. I smiled, a lot. I had a perky voice. I did the best I could. And still, things unraveled, my marriage fell apart, and it darned near killed me.

It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to find my voice. So many times women hang their identity on a hook by the front door and become who they need to be…who they’re expected to be. I have two beautiful daughters who are wonderful adults. Honestly, I don’t know how they survived me because I was a hot mess back in the day.

Mr. Virgo was the first man to really “get” me. He was patient and listened intently and fiercely supported me. He helped me see, and really FEEL, my value. When he died suddenly, my world and my self-confidence was rocked. When I was alone on my grief journey in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado in the first few months after he died, I really understood for the first time that it’s up to me to be happy. If we search for happiness from external things, we will always be disappointed.

I had a Mr. Virgo-sized hole in my heart and a God-sized hole in my life. I couldn’t bring Mr. Virgo back, but I could…and DID…reach out to God to fill me up with a peace only He could give. My go-to scripture became “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Over and over, through long anxiety-riddled nights, I repeated it till I believed it…till I felt it in my bones. And magically, God filled in the empty, hurting places with a golden love-light like none I had ever known.

I was telling someone yesterday…I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun. But I still never felt whole till I loved GOD with the white-hot heat of HIS Son. My light shines from within. I carry myself differently. I’m happy and content with myself and my life. And now? Now I have Mr. FixIt. I’m so glad he came into my life after I was broken open. I don’t know that we would have appreciated each other if this would have happened at any other time in our lives.

God’s timing is so perfect. ❤️

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

 

20 thoughts on “Free Spirit

  1. Could not agree with you more Ginny. The special people in our lives came at the right time. Any earlier and their impact on us would not have been the same. Likewise, our impact on them and their lives would have been different as well. A verse that speaks to me is Proverbs 16:9. “The mind of man plans his way but the Lord directs his steps.” He directs us right into the path of people that can make a difference in our lives.

  2. Wow. Just wow. This could have been written about me. Including the response from Brad.
    After that whole period of “I’ll be whoever I have to be” stage, divorce, then a period of brain-scatter, I found my soul mate and we’ve been blessed with many years of love. Now in a caregiver stage, I cherish each day and know that God will provide.
    Thank you for this post 💕

  3. There is no peace like the peace you get from God! He brought me through the hard times during my husband’s sickness and death, people mentioned it. I give him all the thanks for getting me through it.

  4. That precious verse is mine also . After my abrupt mess I was in Hobby Lobby and there it was on canvas, now it hangs in my throne room ….
    I have found my Mr. Original only because of God’s timing for both of us.
    God’s timing is Perfect.

  5. Another love story Ginny!! I am still looking can’t find the right one, but hopefully it will happen. If it was meant to be it will. Almost 5 years for me come 12-11-2012. The last five years have been a blur.

  6. Hi Ginny – a friend of mind ‘liked’ your post on Facebook so I came here to read the rest . 🙂 Your story touches me. I lost both of my parents last fall. My father died in a nursing home with Alzheimers and my mother 10 weeks later of a heart condition. In between the funerals; I and my ruptured appendix decided to part company. Meanwhile my husband’s company decided to close so after 32 years he was looking for a new job. I realized lately, a year later, that God sustained me. I didn’t think my faith was very strong; but scripture supported me – it came to mind when I needed it. Such is the love of God. God bless you on your journey –

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